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Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Why You Shouldn't Trust Men 100% Part 2

Alright people. Obviously the topic of the previous post is highly sensitive, which is why I am not surprised to see different views regarding the matter. Like Hanim said, let's all agree to disagree. But before we move on from this, I just want to clarify a few things:


#1

As I mentioned at the end of the post, I am not saying only men cheat on their spouses. Women do it too. But the title of my post is "Why You Shouldn't Trust Men 100%" is because I am talking from my point of view as a woman, and from my experiences talking to men. But I clearly stated that some women are also guilty of cheating. So we should all be wary of our spouses.




Dear anonymous, the fact that you equate our Prophet with the rest of men, I don't even know what to say -_____-"


#2

"Baca post, tengok gamba profile. possible tak kalau kita buat analisis awal yg mengatakan orang2 ni sangat ramah dengan puan Tia dengan berkeinginan berskandal juga, sebagaimana mereka lakukan terhadap gadis2 lain. tahniah kerana puan Tia maintain profesional~"


This is a comment from one reader, and is agreed on by a few others.

When you work in my field, where you meet 4-5 men a day everyday, you WILL get hit on regardless of whether you're good looking or average looking or even if you're pregnant (true story). To me it's all about how you carry yourself, and how you portray yourself to the client.

For starters, I dress professionally when I see them. I am always in a pants suit. Baju kurung on Fridays. I hardly ever wear dresses or skirts.

And I always subtly hint to them that I am married and I have a child. For example, when seeing someone for the first time, during our breaking the ice session I will say things like:

"I stay in Shah Alam with my parents. My husband and I bought a house but we're not ready to move out yet because we just had a baby."

Or

"I studied in Melbourne, together with my husband."

But that is not enough. I will also subtly hint to them that I am not that kind of woman, and I don't want to get business THAT way. So sometimes when clients ask if my work is challenging, I will say something like:

"One of the challenges of my job is having to deal with men who don't respect me as a married woman."

And if his body language and his words indicate that he IS like those men, I will add:

"But I'm sure I won't have that problem with you Mr XXX. You're not like those men right?"

Trust me, 90% of the time, it works. I could tell from their faltered smile and nervous laughter that they get it.

I say 90% because there are still 10% yang jenis tak faham bahasa. Even after I have dropped all sorts of  hints they still wanna try and be cheeky with me.

If the person is not my client yet and I sense that he has another agenda despite my hints, I will stop pursuing him altogether. If the person is already my client and then he starts to have all these other intentions, I will still see him to update him on his investment because that's my obligation but I will make sure that our meeting is short, straight to the point and in a crowded area. If he's not happy because I'm suddenly cold towards him, he can always take his investment elsewhere. I don't mind losing clients like that.

So the 3 examples that I gave you in the previous post, are from clients whom I am very sure do not have any intentions to have a scandal with me because they never crossed the line. I believe they tell me these things because they just want someone to talk to (sometimes they cant't even tell their friends about these things because they fear it might get back to their wives).

Then again, Allah knows what their real intentions are. They might be good at concealing it.

But having said that, no matter what their real intentions are towards me, the fact is, they have already cheated on their wives. 


And that is the point of my post: It is becoming increasingly common for spouses to cheat on their partners, even if they seem like the last person to commit adultery.  So we should all be wary.


#3

I'm going to talk about the comments made by someone called Ururu. It's too long so I won't copy and paste here. Go read it yourself on the previous post. 

From my understanding, this person's main point is, women who obey their husbands will be greatly rewarded in the afterlife. So, since there is an easy way to go to Jannah (by obeying your husbands), why go through all the trouble to find out if your husband is cheating? If he IS, then that is between him and Allah. YOU have done your part by obeying him so who cares if he cheats or not. Isn't the ultimate reward in the afterlife better than having a non-cheating husband?

His emphasis is on women. But since my post applies to both husbands and wives who cheat, and since this Ururu person is a guy, I wonder if he could apply this rule to himself. If he has done his duties as a husband, is he saying that he is okay if his wife is cheating as long as he doesn't know? Because that is between her and Allah and that he will still be rewarded in the afterlife because he has fulfilled his duties as a husband?

Maybe he could.

But I know I can't. Yes what we don't know won't hurt us. But the thing is, we are not living in caves or under rocks. We are fully aware of what's going on around us. We read about spouses cheating (along with everything else) in the newspapers, magazines, on the news, from our friends. 

As human beings, it is only normal for us to feel worried if we might get the same fate. And that includes myself. NO ONE wants to be with a cheating partner. 


"how can u be taat if u dont believe in your husband. same goes to worshiping Allah, how can u be taat to Allah if u dont believe 100% in Allah? so yes. taat and trust are 2 different things.. but taat needs trust as a base."


I don't think you can compare being taat to Allah and to your husband. Because without a doubt we can trust Allah 100% but we can't say the same about people.

Just look at my clients' wives. They taat and trust and yet the husbands are playing hooky. Which is why I said you can trust, but verify. If you are TOO TRUSTING (not caring were he's going/who he's with/why he didn't answer you calls/why is his business meeting so late etc) your partner might abuse it, especially when his Iman is not strong. God knows how many temptations there are out there.


You may be right, if we just obey our husbands, we might go to Jannah regardless of weather our husbands cheated or not.  But why can't we try to have both? Have a non-cheating husband and obey them and be rewarded in the afterlife?

"or r u saying that u cant think of touching your husband who touches other women? let say.. if your husband ate a pig, or drank arak.. which is haram of course.. but later he washed his mouth.. would u still kiss him after that? what's the difference between drinking arak and having sex with non-mahram? its the same.. its HARAM.. so why there are difference in emotional acceptance?"


Okay this I definitely do not agree with. How can you compare between forgiving and accepting a husband who consumed pork or alcohol with a husband who HAD SEX WITH ANOTHER WOMAN???

Both are haram like you said but of course there's a difference in emotional acceptance because him consuming pork is him putting a piece of forbidden meat in his mouth and eating it while him sleeping with another woman is him putting his penis in another woman's vagina.

Since you're a guy Ururu, are you saying that it's the same whether your wife consumed pork/alcohol or if another man puts his penis in her vagina?

Sorry for being so vulgar but I just want to show how totally DIFFERENT those two scenarios are. 


#4

"While I may vouch for some of your points on financial security as your piece of advice, I cannot help but think that your other suggestions are recipe for disaster to the very basic foundation of marriage : TRUST. Believe me, suspicions and doubts you have towards your spouse, regardless husbands or wives, are purely the game of the syaaitans. You'll never have a moment in life that you will be happy with your spouse when all you do is doubt and verify your own partner. My suggestion is to verify, scrutinise, audit and perform toughest due diligence on your partner before marriage, not the other way round! We call that ta'aruf.. Internet is borderless, investigate."


A comment from a reader.

Who said anything about doubting and verifying your partner all the time? When I said I think it helps if you monitor their phones and bank accounts and whatnot, I didn't mean for you to do it every single day like a deranged paranoid person. Or do things that are borderline psychotic like calling your husband who is in the middle of a meeting to ask him to send you a photo of himself in the meeting room to prove that he's telling you the truth -_____-"

What I'm trying to say is, just have that sense of openness with your spouse. Isn't it easier to trust each other that way? Trust IS the basic foundation of marriage, like you said. But trust is earned, not blindly given. So my opinion is, a way for you to earn trust from your partner is to show that you have nothing to hide. Knowing that you can have access to anything anytime without any issue is reassuring. Well to me at least.

Imagine if I were to take Nadri's phone and suddenly he starts flipping out. I'd think, what the hell is in there to make him so jumpy like that? But the fact that he couldn't care less and sometimes he even asks me to reply text messages on his behalf, gives me a sense of reassurance that he has nothing to hide.


"You'll never have a moment in life that you will be happy with your spouse when all you do is doubt and verify your own partner."


I beg to differ. It's the contrary for me actually. Because my husband is so open with me, it gives me a peace of mind. Which means I don't spend my days worrying if he's hiding something, and therefore I am happy.

Yes I agree when you said all these due diligence process should be done before marriage. That goes without saying. But you have to remember that people can change. I am not the same person that I was 6 years ago when I got married, and I probably won't be the same person that I am today years from now. Same goes with my husband. Both of us have grown in the 10 years that we have been together and we have to continuously adapt to each other and compromise when we have to. He may not think about cheating on me now, but in the future, who knows??



But we also have to remember that if our spouse wants to cheat, and they're very smart, they'll find a way no matter how much we keep an eye on them. So with that in mind, we can just do our part by being wary and also by praying to Allah to protect us and our marriage and by saving (in case anything happens).



Okay now everyone just take a chill pill and relax.

I never meant to offend anyone. I have my own opinions and so do you. 

My intentions of writing the previous post are:

  • to create awareness about how bad the situation really is out there. When I hear about these things, I pray that myself/my parents/siblings/relatives/friends will be protected from cheating spouses. 

  • to remind us all not be complacent just because we think our partners are never going to do that to us because some people are just THAT good at deceiving. 


But if despite everything that has been said here, you still want to put 100% trust in your spouse, or you don't believe in this whole verifying your spouse business, then that is your call. Good for you. You should do whatever that makes you happy and whatever that makes your relationship work. 

I wish everyone a happy and blessed marriage :)





34 comments:

  1. Very well said tia..some of the negative comments from your previous post dont even make sense.

    ReplyDelete
  2. My first comment ever! I hardly ever write since I tend to "filter" what I read.

    TRUE SHORT STORY:
    A close friend of mine has no problem trusting her husband, until she got sick. With an STD. The End.

    I'm not saying that it happens to everyone, but I cant help but think if she had been just a little more wary every time he hid his phone, or came home late, or didn't pick up her call while she's away, she would have known that he was up to no good and this could have been avoided.

    So regardless of the nasty comments and irrational arguments (Easily written when you are hiding behind a screen, blanketed in your anonymous mask), I think what Tia said rings true and is very good advice. She's not asking you to come at him with a knife; but just to take a step back and assess the scenario.

    (Tia, if you know who this is, please let me remain anonymous. I too, like to roll in the dark :) ).

    ReplyDelete
  3. Jawapannya mudah

    Wanita di luar sana. Peliharalah auratmu...... Setiap yang terbuka, bukan sahaja membawa dosa kepada kamu. Malah orang orang di sekeliling kamu. Lelaki diciptakan akalnya 9, nafsunya 1. Fitrahnya begitu. Jika kamu tahu apa yg difikirkan sewaktu mereka melihat paha yang gebu dan lurah dendam kamu, nescaya kamu tidak akan sanggup membuka aurat dihadapan mereka - UIA.

    Jika ada yang tidak kena dalam perhubungan, kembali pada fitrah manusia iaitu AGAMA. Pada zahir mungkin nampaknya sempurna, tetapi kurang/kosong pengisian agamanya. Walau suami kerap ke masjid, tp tidak membawa isterinya. Suami sempurna aurat, tetapi tidak isterinya. Isteri rajin memasak tp rezeki yang diberi suami kurang barokahnya. Isteri hot, tp aurat yang indah bukan untuk tatapan suaminya. Dayus seorang suami membiarkan isteri keluar tanpa menutup auratnya

    Bila lelaki menatap aurat wanita cantik, terkenang isteri dirumah yg difitrahkan Allah kurang cantik. Akal mula meliar,,, nafsu membuak2 kerana hendak merasa yang lebih cantik itu. Kerana Itu Islam pentingkan penjagaan aurat. Kerana lelaki, nafsunya 1. Jangan disalahkan hanya pada mereka, wanita2 yang tidak menjaga aurat...... ada juga sahamnya

    Setia pada pasangan bermula dengan taat kita pada Allah. Poligami dibolehkan, syaratnya ketat supaya hubungan yang baru tidak menyakiti yang lama. Secara kasar dari penulisan sebelumnya, Mr A B C seakan tidak menjaga taat mereka pada Allah..... Rumah yang tidak kukuh asas binaanya, tidak akan selamat untuk dihuni.... Perlu di ingat, Ar Rahman untuk semua makhluk, Ar Rahim hanya yang terpilih. Jarang sekali kita lihat pergolakan rumah tangga para alim ulama. Kerap kali kita dengar penceraian artis seangkatan dengannya. Barokah perhubungan itu tiada.

    Kita cuba menjaga perhubungan, kita merancang, kita meng-verify, tapi Allah yang menentukan. Sehebat mana kita mengawal, jika Kun fa ya kun yang disebutNya... maka akan jadi juga.

    Se-eloknya, pelihara hubungan kita dgn Allah, InsyaAllah Dia akan memelihara hubungan kita sesama manusia, apatah lagi dengan insan yang kita sayangi.

    maaf- saya tak pandai menulis dalam bahasa inggeris

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Masha-ALLAH! I couldn't agree more. Really, in the end, it all falls back to the ONE and ONLY Allah SWT.

      "Se-eloknya, pelihara hubungan kita dgn Allah, InsyaAllah Dia akan memelihara hubungan kita sesama manusia, apatah lagi dengan insan yang kita sayangi.".

      I couldn't agree more on this. Kudos!

      Delete
    2. I couldn't agree more..

      Terima kasih kerana mengingatkan kami..peliharala aurat wahai wanita..itu yang pertama.

      Delete
    3. SANGAT SETUJU... bila sebut pasal tutup aurat ingat 1 kisah.

      seorg mualaf yg sentiasa berpakaian sopan dan sopan juga budi bahasanya seorg ibu kpd spsg cahaya mata, tiba2 berubah 360' kerana harapan kpd suami yg dipercayainya telah meninggalkannya utk seorg perempuan yg sentiasa berpakaian tak cukup kain.

      anak perempuannya yg plg rapat dgn bapanya sgt terkesan dgn perceraian tersebut kerana dia selalu menangis rindukan ayah dan malu dengan perubahan ibunya (pakaian x cukup kain)

      sehinggalah ketika anaknya mendapat keputusan cemerlang apa yg anaknya pinta cuma 1 : tutuplah aurat ibu,

      suatu hari ketika ibunya melawat ke menara gading, menitis air matanya anaknya melihat ibunya telah berhijrah ( bertudung litup berbaju kurung)

      ayahnya pula ketika dihujung usia...ditinggalkan perempuan yg hanya cintakan duitnya, bisness nya lingkup, bangkrap, menghidap kanser, dan yg plg menyeksanya ialah anak-anaknya tidak mahu bertemu dengannya....

      Utk homo sapeins yg mcm MR A,B,C; anda bukan sahaja melukakan hati isterimu, namun ianya juga akan mengganggu emosi anakmu...

      Delete
  4. some shallow minded people & silly comments just blew my mind. HOW ON EARTH CAN THEY EVEN THINK LIKE THAT? it's insanity!! i understand your message but the silly commentors are just trying to manipulate your words. comparing with prophets? pigs and adultery? WTF. get ur mind straight, people.

    ReplyDelete
  5. take double deep breath, count to 2000 and write.. make them eat their words!

    ReplyDelete
  6. you have my respect tia. * virtual standing ovation*

    ReplyDelete
  7. bravo Tia you've done well. I have the same opinion as you against all these male chauvinist

    ReplyDelete
  8. haha i know this post is all about wife and husband....and im not getting married yet....
    but i just wanna say that if between husband and wife, there are nothing to hide....even their children can access openly to their phone like what my siblings do to our parents.
    and i love this statement from you.... "What I'm trying to say is, just have that sense of openness with your spouse. Isn't it easier to trust each other that way?" ^_^

    ReplyDelete
  9. Saya menulis dlm bahasa melayu supaya yang tak pandai menulis dalam bahasa inggeris boleh turut faham. Saya tidak memihak pada sesiapa tetapi kurang senang dengan cara 'anonymous ini' respond pada topik yang diutarakan. Tia menyatakan pendapatnya tentang 'trust'. Apa pula kene mengena dengat aurats? Macam keluar topik dan agak menyerang peribadi seseorang. Nak berdakwah biarlah berhemah. Kalau tak setuju dengan pendapat penulis, sila 'stick to the point and throw in your ultimate opinion'. Jangan semudahnya menghukum orang itu dan ini terutamanya bab hubungan dengan Allah. Kalau tiada apa yang bernas yang boleh dilontarkan maka diam itu lebih baik.
    -Wanita bertudung yang tak berapa terer bahasa melayu.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Totally agreed with you..memang ape yang anonymous tu cakap betul..tapi this is not the rite topic to say so...Its like writing an essay for karangan sekolah..cikgu tulis-Karangan anda terpesong!

      p/s: (Saye juga gadis bertudung, tapi saye hormat orang sekeliling saya.)

      Delete
    2. salam..
      saya juga gadis bertudung.. hehe.. i thnk what anonymous yg bercakap pasal tudung itu tak salah..and i thnk dia pon tak salahkan pn tia (sbb tak pakai tudung ke apa).. penerangan dia sgt simple and betul..tak memihak kepada sesiapa juga.. Tia has a point and also anon also has a point.. but yea la issue pasal trust and ape kena mengena pulak dgn tutup aurat kan..but truth is, if all ikut fitrah(tutup aurat etc megikut syariat islam) insyaAllah all this thing bole dikurangkan.. i don't know what will happen..but Allah promise if we obey Allah, Allah will grant us with good things, not here, hereafter..

      lastly, what i think anon tried to say is, if we pelihara hubungan kita dgn Allah (mcm jaga solat, tutup aurat, etc etc menurut syariat Islam), InsyaAllah Dia akan memelihara hubungan kita sesama manusia, apatah lagi dengan insan yang kita sayangi. (or grant us with something good)

      and yes, i totally agree that we must not trust 100% also after we have done what we have do best in our AGAMA and menurut segala fitrah.. Wallahualam..

      Delete
    3. i mean not trust in other human being.. Turst in Allah 100% no doubt

      Delete
  10. Mari baca blog ururu

    http://ururules.wordpress.com/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. eh. malu i.. jgn la. gyahahaha!

      bace blog aku watpe.. bukan ade pape yg menarik pun..

      Delete
  11. Dakwah perlu berhemah, saya tidak menggunakan bahasa kasar dan tidak pula menghubungkait pada siapa siapa. tulisan saya bersifat terbuka, jika ada yang terkesan dan mahu berubah...pahala kita kongsi bersama :)

    saya baca kembali tulisan saya berkali kali.. tetapi tidak pula berjumpa bahagian yang saya kaitkan puan fatihah dalam tulisan saya.... Pendapat saya cuma ingin mengajak kepada kebaikan... kerana saya lelaki dan fahami konteks penulisan dari sudut berbeza. Jika anda berasa tulisan saya bagaikan memerli penulis blog, itu persepsi anda kerana teguran saya adalah untuk semua.

    Perlaksanaan dakwah tidak terhad, boleh dilakukan dimana mana cuma haruslah berhemah. Anda sebagai wanita merasakan teguran saya di sini out macam karangan keluar topik, tp pandangan sy sebagai yang ingin menegur... saya rasa di sinilah tempat paling baik untuk berdakwah kerana calon2 yang membaca secara keseluruhannya kebanyakkannya wanita ......

    yang menulis wanita bertudung yang tak berapa terer bahasa melayu dan wanita bertudung tapi memghormati orang sekeliling saya, tahniah.... tak perlulah tekankan perkataan bertudung untuk mengaitkan perkara2 yang tidak baik....

    menutup aurat tu wajib, dosa tak menutup aurat tidak terhad hanya kepada si pelaku, org sekeliling yg melihat juga turut terima saham. jadi jika kita benar hormat org sekeliling, tutuplah aurat :)

    teguran memang sakit untuk diterima, tapi jika kita boleh terima dgn hati terbuka.... indah nikmatnya.

    sekian

    P/s: dakwah bukan hanya di masjid :)


    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. strongly agree.. tapi saya perempuan.. and saya suka pn tia.. and tak kaitkan ini dgn sesiapa mahupun pn tia..

      saya paham tujuan penulis di atas ini.. saya rasa dia tdk berniat kurang baik..

      Delete
  12. Dakwah perlu berhemah, saya tidak menggunakan bahasa kasar dan tidak pula menghubungkait pada siapa siapa. tulisan saya bersifat terbuka, jika ada yang terkesan dan mahu berubah...pahala kita kongsi bersama :)

    saya baca kembali tulisan saya berkali kali.. tetapi tidak pula berjumpa bahagian yang saya kaitkan puan fatihah dalam tulisan saya.... Pendapat saya cuma ingin mengajak kepada kebaikan... kerana saya lelaki dan fahami konteks penulisan dari sudut berbeza. Jika anda berasa tulisan saya bagaikan memerli penulis blog, itu persepsi anda kerana teguran saya adalah untuk semua.

    Perlaksanaan dakwah tidak terhad, boleh dilakukan dimana mana cuma haruslah berhemah. Anda sebagai wanita merasakan teguran saya di sini out macam karangan keluar topik, tp pandangan sy sebagai yang ingin menegur... saya rasa di sinilah tempat paling baik untuk berdakwah kerana calon2 yang membaca secara keseluruhannya kebanyakkannya wanita ......

    yang menulis wanita bertudung yang tak berapa terer bahasa melayu dan wanita bertudung tapi memghormati orang sekeliling saya, tahniah.... tak perlulah tekankan perkataan bertudung untuk mengaitkan perkara2 yang tidak baik....

    menutup aurat tu wajib, dosa tak menutup aurat tidak terhad hanya kepada si pelaku, org sekeliling yg melihat juga turut terima saham. jadi jika kita benar hormat org sekeliling, tutuplah aurat :)

    teguran memang sakit untuk diterima, tapi jika kita boleh terima dgn hati terbuka.... indah nikmatnya.

    sekian

    P/s: dakwah bukan hanya di masjid :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. tak bertempat dan lari dari topik. sekian.

      Delete
    2. i think most of the poeple here understand your kind attention mr anonymous. they just saying that your point is not relevent in this context.

      Delete
  13. don't feel so bad Mr.Anonymous..not everyone can accept your writing.. hidayah itu kan milik Allah...teruskan usaha murni anda untuk berdakwah...only Allah knows best..wallahualam..

    ReplyDelete
  14. Hi Tia,

    Thank you for posting this... Your post somehow...really helps me to go through this tragedy of mine..I recently separated with my husband and I'm heavily pregnant ..

    Maybe you could post something about successful career women who got abused mentally and physically by their spouse..Your post and words really soothes me and give tremendous motivation for me to move on and never turn back..I'm not regretting my decision, for me Allah menguji I selagi mampu and He KNOWS what's best to me..

    I agree..you should be a writer one day..your word inspires most of us! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Brenda,

      I am sorry that you have been separated with your husband because of your family.. and that you are now heavily pregnant..

      Keep on praying to Allah and read Quran..it will soothe you even more..

      Tia is just a woman/human.. and she is an excellent writer.. just don't depend too much on others what not.. put your heart and belief in Allah ok.. take care..

      Delete
  15. Things to do:
    1.Tutup aurat
    2. Nasihat your clients to change for a better (u have a good chance to do this, if they do not want to follow, uve done your job)
    3. Verify your spouse once in a while (nothing wrong with this, its at your on expense. Maybe some of the spouses knows abt the affairs but does not want to confront their spouses.If u dont like it, just confront)
    4. Take care of spouses, berdoa and Tawakkal

    ReplyDelete
  16. Salam.As I read this, I was surprised on why this has become an attack towards Tia when all she intended to do is actually trying to put in mind on how we can avoid infidelity. May I start with what is the purpose of getting married? Do u know that by cheating on your wife, it is actually abusing her. Hence this fall under haram. And what is wrong with reminding and checking what our spouse did if this is done with the intention to avoid unwanted events. This is called effort. And in Islam effort is wajib.As long as we do it in a nice way, by understanding each other, it is not wrong.We are still taat to our husband since he redha to do it in order to protect the marriage.Man should not have ego though a woman should taat to him. Our prophet does not treat his wives that way. We are reminding each other as both of us are human and we tend to make mistake. By finding out, u can help to bring back ur spouse to the right path. InsyaAllah. that's what we do,look out for each other.be better.both parties have to put effort then only when it is failed we say its takdir. not just blindly accepting it. Islam is beautiful. Yes, man allows to have four wives but this is done in rightful ways.not by cheating.and if they cannot be adil in both zahir and batin we all know what is the consequences. sunnah is something that Rasulullah did and she only married another after the death of her first wife. Take note on how high she puts her. All these indicate that it is important for a husband to also please his wife's heart and she in return will be a good wife.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for this. You said it perfectly :)

      Delete
    2. hi,

      i thnk this AnonymousOctober 13, 2013 at 8:21 AM is attacking kot... the other anon AnonymousOctober 1, 2013 at 11:02 PM tak berniat apa pon rasanya..

      He just give his point of views and tak nampak mcm attack pon..

      just my 2 cents..

      i like tia and her stories.. and yes.. can't trust human 100%.. we are not perfect.. no one is perfect..only Allah is perfect.. that is why we need to go back to square one - in the end, it all falls back to the ONE and ONLY Allah SWT.

      peace no war..

      :D

      Delete
  17. Thank you for this post!!! Saw this on a friends fb page n just had to comment.

    To girls/ gfs/ wives out there, pls take note.

    Yes men are leaders n husbands are head of families and need to be obeyed. Point. But as a female in this day and age, read Tia's post and beware.

    Maybe u never heard of these stories before. Maybe u and ur friends are all the naive gf/wives that think this will never happen to them. But, it can. May God prevent us from it. But, it really can.

    I too have seen it with my own eyes. Super loving couple. Both gorgeous n handsome. Guy will even carry her hangbag n hold hands all the time. Turns out he started an affair when she was pregnant.

    Perfect marriage. Good dad. Romantic husband. Lots of succesful well mannered kids. Drops the bomb that he has a long term mistress.

    Not just when they r in their 40s. It can happen anytime.

    Not just with sexy girls or handsome guys. Unfortunately, Even those with tudung and and kopiahs. The devil does not discriminate in his whisperings.

    If ur aware n it never happens to u. What have u got to lose? Just a little effort of verifying. Thank god that ur marriage is protected. May He grant u blessings in the Hereafter as well.

    If ur aware n it happens? It would be an awful thing. But at least u can move forward. Maybe if u still love him or love ur kids too much u can choose to stay. Or because u want to be an obedient wife and choose to ignore and just pray to god. Or u choose to leave and find ur own happiness. Either way, if ur financially independent, u have the freedom of choice. U are not stuck.

    But if ur not aware, not independent, not even open to the idea and Allah tests u with this...?

    Open ur eyes girls.

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  18. You should not have taken Ururu seriously, as that person's persona is based on an anime character who is a submissive killer robot thingy that resembles a timid girl. Ururu.

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  19. Hi,

    I too saw ur postings on fb, would love to comment that ive prsonally seen it in my parents, the infidelity i mean n to be honest, im very much ashamed that i have a father like that.
    My mom is a dedicated teacher and a diabetic, very trusting and sensitive, hurting a fly would make her cry (figure of speech). However, when i was 16, my mom had a brain tumour n suffered a stroke while operating on the brain tumour. Right side of the body paralyze for abt couple of months and she had to learn to walk and use left hand for writings, good thing my mom is an ambidextrous. Anyway, my dad started all these affairs when my mom started to get sick and he had a lot of money back then.
    He has a security company business and apparently one of his project was a nursing college in ipoh. Hence, the access to these so called pretty girls. My dad talks to these girls and get their number, with the intention of making them as his anak angkat. Several took advantage of him and since he loves waving his sword (money) valiantly, all his anak angkat asks money and created stories thay my dad kerja kampung kinda thing and couldnt afford my studies, but honestly these girls just wanted his money so that they can afford the levi's jeans that they wanted. In exchange of sweet nothings and cleavage pics. How i got to know abt this is that i check my dad's phone, go figure! He even used most of my mom's hard earned money to pay the salary for his workers but he used all his money to support these girls. So yeah, i hated him and i do not ever want to speak to him, he lose all my respect, let alone trust.
    Ur postings on this issue is spot on. I couldnt agree more. We shouldnt trust men 100pct, esp those with money. The more they have the more u shud be aware off.
    Im married with one daughter and i too, do what u do,, check his phone and email once in a while. My dad is the worst kind of it all and i will never forgave him for what he did to my mom. NEVER in all caps.

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  20. Honestly.. I been in the same situation with Tia. I used to wore short skirts too and of course I was not married at that time. It is just not applied to clients but colleague too. They will tell me stories and I never shared with other people. It is like I have this stamped on my head stating "U can tell me all your dirty little secret and I wont tell a soul."
    But after my Hijrah (Hijab), I suddenly get the extra respect from men. Nevertheless, u have a lot of men "tak faham bahasa".
    After I got married, I always talk to my husband about it. He understood my job. But I felt that this job din't give me the pleasure of working any more. So i decided to stop work and do business on my own. Alhamdulillah both me & husband are happy with our small business from home. We don't make as much I made before but we live in a moderate comfortable life.

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