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Monday, September 30, 2013

Why You Shouldn't Trust Men 100%



As you know, my job requires me to go out and meet people, which I love. Almost all of them (except the very few who are the quiet/prepetually-busy types) become like close friends to me. Whenever we meet up, we only talk business for 10 minutes max. The rest are conversations about all sorts of random things. You know, things that you talk about with friends. 

(sometimes I think it's so funny how I am 'friends' with guys who are in their 40s and even 50s)

My boss accompanied me to a business meeting once. From her observation, she told me that my strength is building rapport with people. She was impressed that by the end of the first meeting, the client (who was initially very quiet and reserved), in the end became very talkative and he and I were already making jokes at each other's expenses. 

I admit that this makes my job easy. When clients are comfortable talking to you, and they trust you, it's easier to seal the deal. But sometimes, my clients trust me too much and they are so comfortable talking to me that they would tell me things that I really don't want to know about.

Like their extra marital affairs.

Sigh.

I am sad to say that more than 50% of my clients have cheated on their partners. 

Let's face it girls. We really can't trust men.

Now before you say things like "But my husband is so sweet to me/my husband goes to the mosque 5 times a day/I am drop dead gorgeous so I am sure it won't happen to me", well, you better read on.



Example #1

Mr A is a colleagues of someone I know. Before meeting him, I asked my acquantance how is he like and what are his hobbies so that I would know what to talk about with him when I see him. The person said that he is very nice guy and is well-respected among his peers. When I came to his office, I saw his family picture on his desk. They look like a nice family. His wife wears a hijab and a niqab. The client was also very pleasant and respectful towards me. 

On our 3rd meeting, he told me about his mistress in Jakarta -____-

They met at the golf course a few years back, where she was his caddy driver. Ever since then he has been transferring money to her every month without fail. He even showed me their text messages, and videos of her singing to him wtf.



Example #2

Mr B is a good looking guy, and is quite charming. So I was not surprised when he told me about his torrid affairs with multiple women. What surprised me was the fact that his wife is crazy hot. Like, seriously hot. Like, dude, come on. Other guys would kill to have a wife who looks like that after 3 kids and here you are bangin on chicks who probably don't even look half as good as her. 

He told me that he truly loves his wife and children. He's only sleeping with other women for fun. He prefers someone who is already married or in a relationship because he wants to make sure that she only wants sex, like him. He doesn't want any commitments or strings attached.

He said one time he started to develop feelings for a woman that he was sleeping with. When he realised it, he instantly broke things off with her because he feared that things would get complicated. To him, his affection, his quality time, his money are for his wife and family. Being in a serious relationship with another woman or having another wife is just gonna cost him, which is why he only wants one night stands.

He also said, "What she doesn't know won't hurt her".

I asked him, "What if your wife is doing the same thing behind your back?"

He paused to think about it and then said, "Just don't let me find out. My affairs are not affecting my relationship with my wife. I treat her well and I take care of my family. So if she's also doing the same thing and I don't know about it and she stays the same, then I'm okay. Because we're happy."

:O



Example #3

Mr C kept telling me that he is the luckiest guy because he has the perfect wife. She cooks for him everyday without fail, she never once raised her voice to him for the 30 years that they have been married, she looks after herself, she's an amazing mom to their children, she's patient and understanding etc. 

And every time he talks about his wife, he just glows. He showed me their holiday pictures where they look so lovey dovey with their hands around each other and looking into each others eyes. I thought, wow, a guy who gushes about his wife like this.. It really is the sweetest thing. His wife is so lucky! 

Well, not so lucky. Because it turns out Mr C has a long-time girlfriend.



These three examples are only the tip of these iceberg. I wonder why I haven't lost faith in men altogether -____-

And after all these while, it is still hard for me to keep a straight face when they tell me these things. I mean, yeah they're like friends to me but at the end of the day they're my clients and I have to respect them. Plus, it's really non of my business and it's not my place to say anything. But still, sometimes I just feel like punching them in the face. 

Some guys cheat because their wives don't care about them or their wives refuse to be intimate with them. Some do it because they have lost feelings towards their wives after years of marriage. Some do it because their friends do it. Some do it simply because they can and they want to. 

So the moral of the story is, never trust men 100%. Always make a point to know where they are and who they're with. Maybe these would help too:

  • Check their phones

I check Nadri's phone once in a while, and he could check mine anytime he wants. 

(It's funny how my group chat with my girls is filled with actual conversations while his group chat is full of pictures of boobs and cleavage and short texts like "Makan?" "Mana?" "Rasta" "Jom")


It's not like I do it every day anyway. I just like knowing that I could and he's perfectly ok with it. I know some people hate it when their other half do that but I don't get it. If you have nothing to hide, why is it an issue? Unless you're the kind who is super jealous and gets all batshit crazy even if you see an innocent text message from his lady colleague asking him for documents, maybe that's why your husband doesn't want you snooping around?

Mr C from example 3 said that one of the reasons his wife is perfect is because she gives him total privacy. He told me that he could even answer his girlfriend's calls when he's at home because he'd just tell his wife that he has an important call to take and go to the other room and his wife wouldn't even question who it was or even bother to check it herself. 

I don't blame Mr C for 'loving' his wife so much. Not only is she the perfect wife, but her naivety also allows him to get away with infidelity.

  • Keep track of their finances

Mr A from Example 1 transfers money to his mistress every month. If only his wife checks his account transactions, she'd figure things out. 

I have access to Nadri's bank account, credit card statement (full of items from Toys R us and Mothercare and Zara Baby, so unfair!), and Paypal. I also have the password to all of his email accounts and social networks, and he knows mine as well. Maybe that's because our password is usually the same, just like our ATM pin number. And sometimes he has to ask me for his credit card number because I have memorised it along with the 3 digit security code LOL.

  • Be financially secure

So that if your husband turns out to be a lying cheating scumbag (nauzubillah), you can ditch him and survive on your own. If you're a housewife, make sure you have ample savings and put the house and any other assets under your name or something.




Some girls might say, why so paranoid? Don't be so insecure with yourself. To me it's not about being insecure. It's about not letting anyone make a fool out of myself, like what my clients are doing to their wives.

I have met Mr B's wife twice. Like I said, she's crazy hot. She's friendly, she has the most beautiful smile, she dresses well, she walks holding hands with her husband. They really look like the perfect couple.

And yet she has no idea that her husband regularly sleeps with other women ever since they got married. I can't help but feel sorry for her.

I'm sure none of us want anybody to feel that way about us.

So everyone, remember:




TRUST, BUT VERIFY






P/S: This goes both ways. I am not saying only guys cheat. Women do it too.



He sent me this just now -____-

You've been clean so far mister, but don't think you're off the hook! I got my eyes on you lol.




After reading the comments, I have decided to address some of the issues HERE.

80 comments:

  1. Kudos to this Tia! I think women should be more aware.

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    1. Yup can't just sit back quietly and hope for the best. Must make some effort as well, including doa of course.

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  2. syarat pertama mencari suami kerana agamanya...mungkin lelaki2 ni tak ada anak, adik atau ahli keluarga perempuan, tak takut suatu hari nanti ada balasanNya...

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    1. setuju....!xde benda lain yg leh pretend benda nie mlainkan agama

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  3. good write up...but just to add some to what u have written..for me it is not the case 'don't trust men 100%' but actually for me i never put 100% trust on anything and everything..because i think when u put 100% trust on someone as example and the ppl let u down, the feeling of frustration or sadness is two or three times hurt than normal...so here my suggestion is never trust ppl no matter husband or wife 100%, never trust ur children 100%, never trust ur best friend 100%...u do need to reserve some percentage for ur self say like 5-10%..haha..and not only trust but also hope..coz i never put hope 100% in anything i do or plan to do coz we are only human and we can only plan...God knows better and He has plans for us anyway..like when i fell in love i put the realtionship as day by day, week by week, month by month and being so lucky we got married after 10 years of dating and courting..i know it sounds a lil bit selfish but that's just me..the reason is if something happend and we never get married, i won't be so frustrated over it..ill be more composed and could accept it much more easily as compared if i put 100% hope on it...thats why some ppl can go to the extent of killing himself...anyway, its really sad to see friends or ppl u know cheat on their wives or husbands...i do come across this kind of ppl in my life and i feel pity for their partner..and pls dun forget nowadays it is not only the husbands but wives as well...i do agree on most of what uve written except the check on ur partner phone or everything..because for me relationship is all about trust..doesnt mean not giving the phone to ur partner means that ur cheating behind them..but for me privacy is also important..because being too curious or too suspicious is not good for a relationship..and this kind of act sometimes could create negativity especially misunderstanding...u may be cool to see guys sending photos of boobs or sexy girls on their whatsapp or etc but not other partner could accept it easily like u...thats why i discourage partner to hv regular checks on their partner phone, or credit card or anything else that may annoy ur partner..it is just my opinion anyway... :) keep writing...

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    1. Hi thank you for this. I totally agree with you on the first part :)

      I understand that some people are not okay with having their partners invade their privacy. To each their own. It's true what you said doesn't mean not giving the phone to your partner means that you're cheating. But that's the thing, how can you be sure about your partner? We can never be 100% sure. And if checking their phone or finances is not an option for you, then the least that you can do is be wary if your partner is overly secretive or come home late than expected or goes MIA etc. A reader commented saying that her friend completely trusted her husband. Later she found out that she has STD, which may have been avoided had she been more cautious.

      I say 'may' because no matter what we do, kalau our spouse nak cheat and dia pandai sorok, dia akan cheat jugak.



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  4. sy ada offmate chinese woman, dia slalu br adv.berdasarkn pengalaman, cthnya hbgn parent die, semua org slalu pujimak die yg cuma housewf, beruntung dpt suami yg lovingdll mcm suaminya, n u know apa mak die ckp ' never trust man selagi keranda belum tutup, n u know memang her mom pergi dulu,,,u knoe her father never been married untill he also die 5 yrs later....

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    1. yelah kan..dah tua panjang takkan nak kahwin2 lagi? ingat cm kite melayu ni? bini meninggal je cepat2 cari pengganti haiisshhh

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  5. baca post, tengok gamba profile. possible tak kalau kita buat analisis awal yg mengatakan orang2 ni sangat ramah dengan puan Tia dengan berkeinginan berskandal juga, sebagaimana mereka lakukan terhadap gadis2 lain. tahniah kerana puan Tia maintain profesional~

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    1. Interesting. I shall address this in the next post. Thanks for the input!

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    2. I read this post to Ezane n he said exactly the same thing.. these men probably were giving u the subtle invitation to be in a scandal w them

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  6. well. in Islamic perspectives, i think wives should put 100% trust to their husband. if their husband cheated on them. by God, the husband yang rugi, the wife tak rugi sikit pun. since these wives are doing their jobs perfectly. Allah dah janjikan Syurga kepada isteri yang taat. can loving a cheating-loving-husband be any better than syurga? but yeah.. i know.. u still want to kejar those romantic feelings in this world.
    for u author, i'd say, trust your instinct to go professional and not telling their wives that they have been cheated. the more those husband aniaya bini derang, the more those wives are destined for balasan yang baik di Akhirat.
    perempuan are not suited to tell the men that they are doing wrong things, because syaitan ni suke putar belit kata2 pompuan supaye nampak like she is mengumpat rather than trying to tell the truth. those men sendiri tau derang buat mende salah. they must now. how can they not now. sumorang tau. so thats why no need to go telling them they're doing wrong things.. they know they're going to Hell for it.
    but i have to tell you.. i've known this for a long time.. and Ustaz Azhar Idrus reminded me last week when he visited our company to give ceramah. i dont remember specifically his words, tapi bunyiknye camni.. "even in Syurga, the men will cheat on you. Allah sendiri janjikan bidadari-bidadari kepada lelaki bile mereka masuk syurga. because it is nature of men to want more women, so Allah fulfills it.. but for women, what do you desire? gold? barang kemas? pinggan mangkuk? a loving husband? Allah akan beri semuanya kepada kaum perempuan apa yang mereka kehendaki.. and Allah grants her wishes to have emas, pinggan mangkuk, and a loving husband who will stay with his wife (and his bidadaris)".. and then sumorang gelak.. but i tell u, its the truth.
    im not saying its ok for those men to cheat their wives here in this world. but u must know.. if u've done nothing wrong. then why need to stay vigilant? why dont u wanna trust your husband 100%? taat kepada suami tu kerja isteri. yang membuatkan si isteri masuk syurga.
    well.. unless si suami tak bagi nafkah zahir.. and "batin" to isteri.. then.. isteri should leave him. cerai je.

    UAI also said, "dalam Islam, Isteri tak patut keluar walau satu sen pun untuk tolong suami dia memberi nafkah kepada keluarga. Suami wajib.. i repeat.. wajib carik rezeki utk beri nafkah kepada keluarga, walaupun suami hanya penjual air dan si isteri adalah billionaire. si isteri hanya harus menolong si suami bila suami meminta tolong dari isteri. tak wajib pun nak tolong. and in response, isteri hanya perlu taat kepada suami sahaja. itu sahaja." so trust your husbands ladies. itu jalan ke Syurga. dah ade jalan senang, nak jalan susah. kan susah kalau cerai n then end up with another cheating husband? takkan nak kawin cerai kawin cerai sampai dapat suami yg tak cheat?

    dont know if this helps.. huhu. but it's an opinion.

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    1. I may not know much abt Islam..hv a lot to learn but polygamy was done with the best intentions by Rasulullah.. but to ignore wrongdoings by husband like we don't hv aqal n feelings of our own is simply degrading for women. Taat pada suami shouldn't be equaled to complacency n ignorance.. just saying..

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    2. im not talking about polygamy. im talking about the nature of men.... n women. men wants women, its their nature. Rasulullah is a different case of man because he loves Allah more than anything else. if a women learns to love Allah more than her husband, she wont fret to his wrongdoings and continues her job as a wife trusting her husband. but if a man loves Allah more than anything, he must give his all to his family..

      and 'to ignore' is different from 'not knowing'.. how can the wives be ignorant when they dont even know? u said it yourself, "they think they have a perfect husband who doesnt cheat". so how can they ignore their husbands wrongdoings when they dont even know that their husband had committed wrongdoings? its like example #2 said "What she doesn't know won't hurt her" and vice versa.. but of course it hurts his/her Iman.. and worse, they're actually lying to Allah Himself.

      if there's any wrongdoers here.. it should be the husbands and you who knows but do not act accordingly. its called bersubahat. but you cant be blame for it. like i said.. women are better off not saying anything about it to the wives. syaitan will definitely manipulate the situation.

      but it is better to report the wrongdoers to the authorities (with proofs of course) buuutt.. i kinda know u're not gonna do that.. are u? hehe.. just saying..

      its a wife job to trust her husband 100%. even if the husband misuse that trust.. if the wife cant coop with that husband, she can ask for divorce such as her right in Islam. but like i said, why trade a cheating husband for another cheating husband? well.. unless the first one is the abusive type, that's a different case. we're not talking about abusive husbands here right? we're talking about cheating husbands.

      im not trying to point fingers or degrade you or women or anything.. but i think i know something.. and i just wanna share it. trust your husband 100%.. even if he cheats on you. mana tau someday he'll realize he'd done the wrong thing and bertaubat (n u still dont know he had sinned)

      or r u saying that u cant think of touching your husband who touches other women? let say.. if your husband ate a pig, or drank arak.. which is haram of course.. but later he washed his mouth.. would u still kiss him after that? what's the difference between drinking arak and having sex with non-mahram? its the same.. its HARAM.. so why there are difference in emotional acceptance?

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    3. Another interesting opinion. I will address this one as well.

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    4. Yes, I have to agree that "taat kepada suami tu kerja isteri". BUT, wives are expected to taat kepada suami yang soleh (the ones who never misses their solah, fasts during ramadhan, taat kepada Allah dan rasul, you know, the 5 pillars in Islam). If otherwise, wives can 'tegur' their husbands.

      "perempuan are not suited to tell the men that they are doing wrong things". I strongly disagree with your statement. Like Diyana said, kita ada akal. Islam tak pernah kata isteri tidak boleh menegur suami. If you find your husband going beyond Islamic beliefs, it is the WIVES' responsibility to remind their husbands of their wrong doings.

      Yes, wives are promised Jannah if they are taat to their husbands. But as muslims, we are told to seek for happiness in Akhirah AND dunya. Jadi, tidak salah kan kalau kita nak suami yang jujur?

      "isteri hanya perlu taat kepada suami sahaja. itu sahaja." so trust your husbands ladies. itu jalan ke Syurga. dah ade jalan senang, nak jalan susah. "

      Well, you actually have to taat to ALLAH, RASUL, and then your husband.

      "kan susah kalau cerai n then end up with another cheating husband? takkan nak kawin cerai kawin cerai sampai dapat suami yg tak cheat?"
      Don't you think you're exaggerating this bit right here?

      Eh, I thought we were talking about trust issues. Trust and taat are two different things. No?

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    5. ururu punya komen buat anak gadis tak berani nak kahwen...

      kan susah kalau cerai n then end up with another cheating husband? takkan nak kawin cerai kawin cerai sampai dapat suami yg tak cheat?

      Tuhan Maha Adil, bercerai ada hikmah disebaliknya, mungkin dia bukan yang Terbaik utk kita, ada lelaki yang lebih baik drpdnya utk kita..lelaki baik utk perempuan baik begitu juga sebaliknya...

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    6. to SyahirahSaid
      1st: "perempuan are not suited to tell the men that they are doing wrong things". actually the 3rd paragraph are a continuation of 2nd paragraph. but i messed up. lol
      yes you are right. but actually, im not referring to wives yg tau suaminya buat wrongdoings... im referring to women out of the family, in this case, Mrs Tia, whom are not suited to tell the cheated wives that their husbands are cheating them..

      2nd : of course you have to trust Allah and Rasulullah.. every Muslims knows it. its the syahadah. that is why i felt it is not important to address it. but still.. you only worship Allah. not His Rasul. so the right statement should be taat kepada Allah, trust Muhammad is His Rasul. and then taat to your husband. how can u be taat if u dont believe in your husband. same goes to worshiping Allah, how can u be taat to Allah if u dont believe 100% in Allah? so yes. taat and trust are 2 different things.. but taat needs trust as a base.

      3rd. i know im exaggerating. but do we know if Allah planned to test His servants that way? by Allah, if u wanna talk about exaggeration, read about Nabi Ayub, that's the real example of exaggeration of Allah's test to His servant. and we know its the truth.

      to Anonymous October 1, 2013 at 12:50PM
      4th: u said "Tuhan Maha Adil, bercerai ada hikmah disebaliknya, mungkin dia bukan yang Terbaik utk kita, ada lelaki yang lebih baik drpdnya utk kita..lelaki baik utk perempuan baik begitu juga sebaliknya..."

      by Allah, Allah itu Maha Adil, but He doesnt necessarily would repay His kindness in this world. He can still repay His kindness lepas mati.. which would u prefer? a good second husband in this world or a really really good and good looking husband in Syurga? lol.. if u endure in this life, by Allah yang Maha Adil, you will have better in the afterlife. u know of this.. yet u still think Allah will SURELY give u a good husband if u cerai once from a bad husband..

      but if u really do get a better second husband. alhamdulillah..

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    7. Wow Ururu, I have to admire your talent of making yourself look like a complete idiot. You should have just stopped at the first comment. BTW do ask your partner (if you are lucky to have any) what SHE thinks about what you wrote. Berani?

      Anyway Ururu, I TOTALLY DISAGREE with you and your shallow thoughts about women being taat and your suggestion for them to "coop"( FYI it is spelled cope not coop.coop tu reban ayam). If your spouse is committing ZINA, which is a big sin in Islam, you are supposed to close an eye and let it be because you want a shortcut to heaven?

      This is the most ridiculous statement ever. And comparing ZINA of your partner with arak and babi? Hello?? There is LOVE involved here (if you ever get lucky to feel this one day), of course it is different if your spouse minum arak vs sleep with another women! There are feelings and betrayal here. Suami makan babi I kene jeles kat babi tu ke? Tak, I tak da perasaan kat babi tu tapi I will be upset my husband eat haram food !!! Suami ZINA memangla jealous sebab intimacy is an exclusive thing we share with our partner and that should be the way (hope you get lucky enough to feel it).

      BTW Ururu, please dont aibkan diri you lagi. Read the below and do as sabda Nabi kita:

      Dari Ibnu Abbas r.a : Nabi saw bersabda, “Sebaik-baik kalian adalah yang paling baik kepada isterinya, dan aku (Nabi saw) adalah orang yang paling baik di antara kalian kepada isteri ku.” [1621] Sahih Ibnu Majah

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    8. wah... terus ingat ustaz kazzim elias...'kalau nak tahu saya baik ke tak, tanyalah kat isteri saya'

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    9. Cerita pasal bidadari di syurga tu...memang betul allah janjikan bidadari2 kpd lelaki.tapi semua org dengar x habis.actually..kalu isteri die tu isteri solehah,isteri dia akan jd ketua bidadari.si suami hanya akan terpegun dgn kecantikan si ketua bidadari sehingga tidak sedarkan kehadiran bidadari2 lain.so kalau si istri tu gemuk ka buruk ka x payah risau.sekiranya isteri solehah suami akan tetap dgn kita...ni ustaz kazim yg ckp

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    10. Thank you Ferrarossa! Loving every bit of your reply!

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    11. I don't even know why I am wasting my time replying to your comment but for the sake of women, I have to.

      Firstly, IGNORANCE. Yes we can't be hurt by what we don't know. I'm not talking about things we don't know. What I mean by "ignorant" is how can the loyal wives even not have the slightest curiousity or suspicion when the husband HAS to walk into another room EVERYTIME there is an important phone call.. that is ignorant. (My guess is it's either she knows, but she just doesn't want to leave him, maybe she loves the lifestyle he provides her, or maybe she is just numb, like she doesn't have feelings anymore for him and doing it for the sake of the children so they can lead a normal life, or she is too IGNORANT to not use her brain to think, aka naïve, or SHE IS DOING IT AS WELL to her husband). Whatever it is, you hv mistakenly interpreted the meaning of ignorance.

      Secondly, u've misinterpreted the whole idea of Tia's article. She is not suggesting he divorces her, or hiring a private investigator when she put up this article. We're not that paranoid. N unlike how u think of us women as robots like those in Stepford Wives movie, or emotionless human beings, we do LOVE our husbands and want to BE with them. We do still shower them with homecooked meals, SEX, comfy home for him to come back to after a long day at work. It is just that we are not stupid to not notice changes in behaviour, that the 5% of not trusting them might mean we do check on their phones. We still "taat" but trust, maybe 95%. Do u think that Allah will scorn us to hell and deprive us of heaven for this 5%? As long as we taat, but not 100% trust, do u think we are not on the right path to heaven? Allah gave us Aqal to think, hence this 5% is the product of it. Women can think. Women should think.

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    12. "Do u think that Allah will scorn us to hell and deprive us of heaven for this 5%?"
      by Allah, i know.. that 95% wont make too much of any difference.. but THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO SAY "Allah dah bagi jalan yang senang, u still want jalan yang susah". if u trust him 100%.. itu jalan yg lurus, jalan yg paling senang. but when u set to 95%, u created an imaginary fence you have to leap untuk sampai destination. memang la tak susah mane pun nak lompat fence tu. i know that. but heck. takpe lah. its your choice. im just saying.. ade jalan yg lebih mudah.. there is this easy road to heaven, and u dont want it.. u want the road with fences.. well. that's your choice. lol. boleh..im NOT saying tak boleh.. by Allah. boleh pilih jalan tu. same je destinasi die. susah sikit la. walaupun ade jalan senang. hahaha..

      im trying to connect my comment on this article in my own way, tapi i see that was a bad idea and kinda futile. lol.

      and yes.. i know its spelled 'cope', and that it was a typo. but i realized it after i submitted the comment..thank you for your concern

      about comparing zina and arak, my point is "haram".. lemme rephrase it
      doing haram things = going against God

      "how/why are u OK with your husband going against God (drinking arak) and NOT OK with your husband going against God (Zina). why the difference in emotional acceptance?" its not about your husband.. its u. why and how can u even accept it?

      no need to answer this. i have your answers. TQ.

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    14. arak is just water, liquid..totally not the same as dipping your bloody penis into some skank's wet pussy! girl power!

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    15. im sorry to interject here, but i have to say this. some ustaz kat malaysia selalu cakap lelaki nak kan perempuan/ bidadari kat syurga meanwhile perempuan nak kan emas lah pinggan mangkuk. sebesar2 kuasa dan nikmat Tuhan, seindah2 syurga. itu kah motivasi lelaki utk ke syurga? perempuan takde yg nak bidadara( kalau term ini wujud) ke?
      saya yakin ada. saya yakin keinginan setiap individual berbeza. tak semua lelaki menginginkan kehidupan syurga yg penuh dengan 'fantasi' bersama bidadari. dan ada ustaz( bukan dari malaysia) pernah cakap hubungan kita (lelaki syurga) dengan bidadari tak semestinya hubungan fizikal. mereka boleh menjadi rakan, jiran, pembantu. dan kerana kita semua ( lelaki dan perempuan) meraikan kecantikan.
      kenapa ustaz malaysia tak encourage lelaki supaya luaskan skop 'syurga list' anda ? you could have anything. imagine. ini adalah percutian plg indah bersama family.apa yang terniat di hati terus kita dapat.please jangan jadikan bidadari tu motivasi utama ke syurga. buatkan kaum lelaki nampak lemah.

      sesungguhnya dah dijanjikan di syurga nanti tiada individu( lelaki/perempuan )akan teraniaya. Wallahu a'lam

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    16. Completely agree with cahaya mata's and ferrarossa replies. So true. Ururu or whatever your name is, i guess u pernah betray with ur partner n now bagi idea paling bodoh trying to make yourself innocent!!!! Pastu bagi contoh2 ayat Ustaz2 kat malaysia ni pulak when some of them ada yg terlebih menitik beratkan pasal lelaki nak perempuan ramai or more wives. Srsly i cldnt accept the fact that u pandang remeh kalau lelaki curang/berzina. You wouldnt mind as long as nafkah zahir batin diberi tu sudah memadai. Isteri taat masuk syurga and lelaki dengan dosanya sendiri. Yg penting taat kepada suami yg dah terang tang tang pijak kepala bini. Supposedly suami kena jadi pembimbing yg baik ke jalan yg diredhai Allah. Oh pls, how can u be that ignorant? Dosa berzina tu sendiri dah besar. Bukan benda kecil tau. Ni bukannyer pasal perasaan romantis di dunia. Ni pasal agama. Gosh, you are DAMN SHALLOW your point of view INCREDIBLY STUPID.

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  7. Nak share! Btw, apa u tulis tu betul. I pernah rasa.. Kudos! :)

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  8. I know u put effort to look good for ur husband but having spent most of my life befriending guys, ive learnt that no guy really loves a face full of thick make up. Lessen the make up, u'll look better

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    1. Clearly the guys u know doesn't include her husband. N hv u seen her upfront? She is blessed with flawless skin.. her eye makeup is very minimal..she just has her own unique makeup skills. I know coz she taught me. Makeup tebal is just such a wrong term when it comes to Tia. Know ur facts before u jump to conclusions.

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    2. This is the best example of people who likes to assume and jumps into conclusion. You don't even know Tia, so you don't have the right to tell her what to do or even comment about her makeups. Yes diy, we've known Tia since forever kan and yes, her skin is the most flawless among my friends. Even when she's not wearing makeups, she looks like she's wearing em OK.

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    3. bet this anon makes no effort to look pretty yet still is the fairest of them all. and without doubt amazed all the guys she befriend.

      love, not that pretty anon.

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    4. The comment by this anon is the funniest of all. Terus terkeluar topic hahahaha.

      Love my girls Diy & Erin XXX

      Hi not that pretty anon. Yes she must be, lucky her hehe

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  9. Mrs tia,im sure if you already know this or not but a person of your profession could really use the skill of reading body gesture.
    Eye dilation/contraction,hand position,gazing etc.really interesting stuff i tell you.haha

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    1. Baru je nak cakap, setujula dgn Hassan & diyana Khairil...ada udang disebalik mee

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    2. Anonymous 2:30am - Yup our agency taught us how to read people, it really is very interesting hehe

      Anonymous 8:07am - Sometimes yes mmg clients ada niat lain. But regardless of what their niat is, diorg dah cheat on their partners pun. I addressed this issue in my latest post.

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  10. Hi tia! Hanim here! Interesting post with different views from others. Agree to disagree.
    Btw i know someone (1st wife) whose husband married so many time and divorced other wives but not the 1st one. Dia bersumpah xkan ceraikan yg 1st sebab dia tahu tua nnt dia susah or sakit yg 1st akan jaga dia. N this 1st wife n my mum will always give me the same advice- u have to hv your own income in case your husband leaves u/cheats u.Personally I feel wrong/guilty to 'niat' as such if I want to work. I had the discussion with my husband after reading your post, and dia pun ckp u work for your duit belanja lebih2 but jgn niat mcm tu utk kerja. But yes ladies, you have to have some saving utk hari susah!! Even if u are a housewife kalau dpt duit belanja from husband save save save.
    The part pasal checking phone tu, i agree with you, if there's nothing to hide no point being scared :) mcm kitaorg we didnt check each other's phone sebab x trust, we just enjoy baca msg each other from our friends. Sometimes my husband even replied the msges for me coz i'm too lazy to type!
    Anyways, to the wifeys of mr A,b and c, saya doakan syurgalah tempat kalian. Mr a, b, c - sepandai2 tupai melompat akhirnya jatuh ke tanah jua.
    And tia, i agree yg they might be trying to flirt with you!! Be careful tia hehe

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    1. Hi Hanim, thanks for the input. I totally agree with what you said, good advice :)

      Ada this one lady who is a friend of a friend, a housewife in her 40s, her husband recently had an affair, then her husband suruh dia pegi berniaga dekat bazar ramadhan kalau nak duit lebih. And she had to sebab selama ni she totally relied on the husband.

      So yes, save save save!!

      Kisses to baby Yahya!

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  11. this is why i dont want to have a boyfriend and dont even have the push to get married.

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    1. Oh no I didn't mean to scare you. Love and marriage is a beautiful thing. But just like everything else, it's not all rainbows and unicorns. I hope one day you'll find someone worthy of your trust :)

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  12. Hot nya topic ni! bdw Tia, are these all true stories?
    did you just break the client confidentiality thing?

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  13. It's irony to read that you're suggesting ladies not to trust their husbands 100% when what you're doing ie listening to Mr A B & C (married men's problems) are beyond a husband's trust as his wife, let alone your professional work. (Clients' confidentiality as well) While I may vouch for some of your points on financial security as your piece of advice, I cannot help but think that your other suggestions are recipe for disaster to the very basic foundation of marriage : TRUST. Believe me, suspicions and doubts you have towards your spouse, regardless husbands or wives, are purely the game of the syaaitans. You'll never have a moment in life that you will be happy with your spouse when all you do is doubt and verify your own partner. My suggestion is to verify, scrutinise, audit and perform toughest due diligence on your partner before marriage, not the other way round! We call that ta'aruf.. Internet is borderless, investigate.

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    1. In my capacity as a financial consultant, client confidentiality covers client's personal details (name/address/phone number etc) and their investment details. The things that I disclosed here have nothing to do with the nature of our business. I also didn't mention their names, their employers, their occupation, the location of their offices or anything that could incriminate them. It could be about anybody. The rest of what you said will be addressed in the next post.

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    2. Perfect... You answered it yourself. What you discussed and described here has nothing to do with the nature of your business with them. So why go beyond your professionalism and work.

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    3. Good lord, this anon may not know anything about public relations or sales skill? Building rapport is an important talent to ensure successful closing of a sale. That is why you are more likely to buy things from people you KNOW versus strangers. If you know nothing aout selling, just please dont make yourself look stupid. Thanks

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    4. Ferrarossa i reall heart ur comments..hahah if only we had like button here ;)

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  14. i agree with syahirah and i strongly disagree with ururu. period.

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    1. hi. i agree with Syahirah too..
      im sorry, im sorry again that u strongly disagree. i know there are gaps and holes in my comments. since this topic require vast knowledge / proofs / quotes.. im not saying that im right. but im saying what u all think are RIGHT. and mine may as well be right. maybe not. like i said. i think i know something. n i just wanna share. its totally your choice if u want to agree or disagree..

      i know people like to agree in one thing and disagree to another.. but why not agree with both? syahirah is right. i might be right too.. and i know Mrs Tia is right too..

      again. im not saying im right. but i think people should re-analyze how things can be done. that "it is OK to agree to 2 (or more) different parties"

      kan??

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    2. Hi Ururu,

      I think I know what you're trying to say. It's just that what you said is pretty extreme, about women just focusing on doing their jobs as a wife and whatever that the husband does is between him and Allah.

      It's like you're trying to say that women should be submissive. Do your job, don't ask questions, and you shall be rewarded.

      You can't blame us for being offended :)

      Having said that, you are entitled to your own opinions and so am I. Let's agree to disagree

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    3. Ururu represents the views of an extremely conservative group of Muslims. I pity his future wife and daughter(s).

      As a rational Muslim, I believe we can be close to Allah and still try to make the best out of our time on Earth.

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    4. u mean, as a modern Muslim..
      as Muslims, we MUST be close to Allah, and make the best of our time on Earth. we dont 'try'..

      yes, pity my future wife and daughters?. by future, do u mean future in this world? or the other?

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    5. that last comment didnt came out right. i read it again n it looks like im angry. sorry tho..

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    6. as salam.i know wat r u tryng to convey ururu.di zaman fitnah dajal ni.semua nya mmg based on logik.kita kembali ke zaman jahiliah di mana bila mengamal kan sunnah dan mengikut 100% perintah Allah swt akan di pandang xtrem.conservative.narrow minded n etc.its ok. TRuat Allah swt

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  15. 'Man start at 40' Seorg kaunselor menyatakan lelaki yg mengalami sindrom menopous juga akan mengalami perubahan emosi, semakin sensitif, semakin kedekut dan ketiga2 Mr A,B,C (average umur 40-50 kan) mengalaminya juga semakin Gatal..hehehe...

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  16. Thanks for writing this. I think more women need to realise that marriage is not a fairytale but let's not forget it takes two to tango. Women who are willing to have an affair with married men are part of the problem too.

    I read an article which offers an Islamic perspective of why divorce (and infidelity) is on the increase and how we can avoid it, inshaaAllah. The key thing is don't follow your nafs and only place your full trust in Allah. Dunya is a place of trials so we have to be prepared for anything. http://muzlimbuzz.sg/2011/12/21/marriage-wows-and-woes/

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  17. So THIS is the HOT topic ey Tia? Haha.. Such an innocent intention totally blown outta proportions.. Its okay, some people will get it, some people won't.. Its a matter of interpretation really.. To me, its a good post, I couldn't have said it any better.. Rest assured, if you have nothing to hide, you need not worry, herein or hereafter.. kan? ;)

    The 'legal' housewife :D

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  18. Great job Tia!!! Hot topic, full with emosional peoples here..btw,you should be a writter one day...really had fun reading your writting...Im waiting for more..

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  19. tapi I lain plak... My wife yang tido ngan banyak laki.. tapi x tau naper bodoh sangat x nak ceraikan dier... sayang sangat atau dayus?.. haih....

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    1. sayang first. dayus second.

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  20. i had good time reading this post and the latest one as well as the comments.haih,why cant they just take it positively?anyway, good job tia and thank you for the reminder :)

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  21. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    1. Alamak acik tadi tia nak baca comment acik tp tertekan 'remove content' instead of 'view' -____- tulis balik pls! Nak baca pasal perempuan psycho yg kacau fikri tuuu.

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  22. alamak bnyk pulak typo. bolehla ek paham skit2 :D

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  23. Reading this makes my mum's point even stronger - always be financially secure, a good career, a car, a house (if you could afford it - she always urges me to at least have a look when I just started working!) so that you can support yourself without depending on anyone, even if you're married. Point well taken!

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    1. Your mom's right. I will give the same advice to Alayna when she grows up :)

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  24. OK.. I love your English! Haha

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  25. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  26. men will be men kan... they will try n test the waters and stuff.. looking for chances n opportunities.. d best part of this cycle? that there are gals/wmn out there that finds absolutely nothing wrong if they date married men. how did this world become so cruel wen a wmn destroys some other wmns' happiness? envi? stupidity?fun? i could nvr understand this types of females..

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  27. i used to date a married man..and we're now married with a kid

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  28. what kind of job you're doing ? i really wonder that you can that close to your clients. I'm just asking, really, out of curiosity

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  29. the only reason those men tell you their secrets to you because they want to sleep with you. trust me.

    orang melayu panggil "test line" .

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  30. Kudos on the writing which explain how sick is our community right now. Again thanks for putting up a caveat that this happens to both man and women. Just a point of view, I believe that it is okay for not putting 100% trust on your spouses, but dont let it hinder you to give commitment into your relationship. This is the main issue where most of the relationships do not work, where deep inside the mind, there is a thought the partner will cheat on them. With this type of mentality couples usually give up even before trying them. As I belief that "You have to put effort in what ever you are doing". Hence, do chose your spouse properly, do a thorough check on them and etc. All the best to everyone

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  31. salam. excuse me for intruding.

    i know this is an old post, but i think it could be much better.

    1. first, change the title to "Why You Shouldn't Trust ANYONE 100%". because in reality, there's no one you can trust 100% except Allah and Muhammad SAW(even the Prophets hadiths have been falsified many times!) we can't trust men 100%, we can't trust women 100%, children, older people, heck, we can't even trust ourselves 100%!

    2. "But sometimes, my clients trust me too much and they are so comfortable talking to me that they would tell me things that I really don't want to know about."
    - let's be honest here, if you were like an ustazah, wearing tudung labuh, very modest and reserved in speech and behaviour, do you think those same people would share so much with you? because you seem to be disturbed by this.

    3. "Let's face it girls. We really can't trust men."
    -that's sexist. please rephrase your statement.

    4. and if it's not too much to ask, could you improve on your writing so that it isn't biased towards men? i know you're a woman, and you're speaking from your perspective, but try thinking out of the box, see the world from many perspective. i know you have your post scriptum, but that doesn't really justify all the chauvinist statements above it, does it? =)

    otherwise, i agree on checking phone, keeping tabs on financial transactions, and having financial security.

    p/s: stuffs like this happens all the time. what's important is how you NARRATE the story. it could be thought provoking, critical, and constructive. it could also lead to paranoia, skepticism, and delusions. be very careful.

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