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Saturday, July 27, 2013

Pissed Off

Remember when I wrote in this post about how I hate it when the elderly don't respect the younger ones especially when it comes to parenting?

Well, an incident happened today at my big family buka puasa.

So there I was, in my Moksu's living room (she lives next door) playing with Alayna. There were also my cousins, my aunties, my nieces, my sister and my mother-in-law. Everyone was just having a chat while the kids played around. 

I noticed that Alayna was not in her best mood. She ignored people's calls, she wasn't smiling at all, she got cranky when I didn't twirl one of her toys for her. It was obvious, she was sleepy.

I asked my cousin what time it was. She said 8.30 pm. So I was right. It was her bedtime. Everyday by 8 pm Alayna would already be in the room where she would roll around on the bed for a bit, and by 8.30 pm she would be sound asleep. That's her routine. And that is perfectly normal for a toddler, because they need longer hours of sleep compared to us. Alayna sleeps from 8.30pm to 7am. 

Me: Okay Alayna, it's time to sleep. Go salam and say goodbye to everyone.

My aunt: What? Going to bed already? Poor Alayna, tak sempat pun nak main. Your mommy is terrible, Alayna!

Me: (calmly) Well, it is her bedtime. She usually sleeps at 8.30 pm.

At that point Alayna has started to shake everyone's hands, one by one. It showed that she was ready to go to bed. Trust, me if she wasn't, she would have ignored me when I told her to say goodbye to everyone.

I thought that would be it.

But then my aunt continued to say, repeatedly, "Eeee.. Teruknya mommy Alayna ni. Kesian Alayna kene paksa pegi tido"

("Alayna's mommy is so terrible. Poor Alayna has to be forced to go to bed")

I don't know why my aunt would say that to begin with. She lives 5 minutes away. She comes over every single day! She knows when is Alayna's bedtime!!

If she were to say it once, it would be fine. I would take it as a joke. 

But to keep repeating that, OUT LOUD, in front of everyone, in front of my mother-in-law and in front of my own DAUGHTER?!

It doesn't matter if you said it jokingly. It's not bloody funny.

And I already gave her the look, to signal to her that enough is enough. Stop it already. But nooo she kept on saying it.

It pisses me off when people think that it's okay to jokingly say that I am a bad mother in front of Alayna. She can UNDERSTAND you, you know. Do you want her to grow up listening to people saying that her mom is terrible? 

And most importantly, I don't want Alayna to grow up thinking that it's okay to call people terrible or any other negative things (In my family, they say those things all the time. So some of my nephews now think that it's okay to call people fat/terrible/ugly, out loud. I find it very rude).

I kept my composure because my mother-in-law was there. I didn't want to make a scene. So I took Alayna, changed her into her pyjamas, and put her to sleep. She dozed off in less than 10 minutes. 

Then I came back downstairs and joined everyone in the living room. Everyone was there, except for my mother-in-law. 

We were talking about random stuffs when suddenly my aunt said to me, "You're so terrible.."

Ok that was IT!

Me: Why did you have to say that just now in front of everyone? I was so mad.

Mind you, I didn't say it to her angrily. I just said it in a normal tone. I am very close to her. So I thought I would just tell her how I feel.

My aunt: (very defensively) I was just joking!

Me: Well it's not funny because you said it so many times. It was embarrassing. 

Then my aunt just flipped out. 

My aunt: You just can't take a joke can you? If this is how it is, then I won't ever say anything to you anymore! You think you can disrespect me like this?!!

Me: WHAT? YOU'RE THE ONE WHO DISRESPECTED ME IN THE FIRST PLACE!

I swear to god I was so angry I could punch someone.

Then my aunt started yelling about how rude I was and how she was not going to talk to me anymore.

I just kept quiet because I saw no point arguing with an adult who refuses to see that she was the one who was wrong. 

No, actually I kept quiet because despite what happened, I still do respect her as my aunt. Trust me, if I didn't respect her at all, I would have continued arguing and I would have shown her what rude really sounds like.

It took every cell in my body to keep my mouth shut.

This is so typical!!!!

YOU DISRESPECT THE YOUNG ONES BUT YOU EXPECT TO BE RESPECTED IN RETURN??

So it's okay for you to embarrass me in front of everyone, but the moment I questioned you about what you did, you flipped out?

You think you can simply call me a bad mother, repeatedly, and get away with it? Just because you're older?

Oh hell no.

I am not one of those timid people that you can push around. 

What gives you the right to question my parenting anyway? Is your child so perfect?

I feed Alayna healthy food, you pity Alayna. Then you call me a terrible mother.

I teach Alayna to sleep early, you pity Alayna. Then you call me a terrible mother.

Well maybe it's because I don't want my kids to end up like yours. Obese and stubborn when you ask them to sleep early when there's school tomorrow.

Now, you don't like it when I say that do you?

That's right. 

Because NO MOTHER WANTS TO HEAR PEOPLE CRITICISING THEIR PARENTING.

Unless you're my husband, and unless you see me physically torturing my kids, then you have NO RIGHT TO TELL ME HOW TO RAISE MY KIDS.

My baby, my ovum, my vagina (well, in my case my tummy coz I had a c-section), MY WAY.

Have some respect. 

You don't want to talk to me again? Grab a chair and wait for me to care.


20 comments:

  1. Oh tia. Im sorry to know that it happened. I can totally relate this to myself. The only dif is that i have to go through this with my mother in-law. Just thinking abt it makes my blood boil!!!!

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    1. It's so infuriating kan!! You'd think that the fact that they're mothers themselves they would understand, because they were in our shoes before, but no! I just don't get people who don't know the meaning of boundaries and respect.

      Im sorry too that you're going through a similar situation. I hope things will work out for u. Just remember at the end of the day, it's YOUR child. So you get to decide.

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  2. Tia, next time this happens. You can answer it in a condescending manner. But just give her facts like, kids are supposed to sleep early, it develops their brain n stuff. I just want alayna to grow up to be a smart girl. And just smile cynically. Reverse psycho babe.

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    1. Sigh. Tried that before but they just laughed and snickered at my facts. They think all those books and researches are bullshit. They said they raised their kids their way and their kids turned out fine (not).

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  3. Even i don't have kids yet but i can feel this pressure.
    Can i assume she is super jealous because you're raising Alayna very well compared to her raising her obese and stubborn child? Lol

    Just keep calm and stay cool. You know you have done the best for Alayna :)

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    1. Yup, intrusive relatives is the biggest challenge in motherhood. Thanks, I'm not a perfect mom but I'm doing my best :)

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  4. hi Tia, wonder how ur parents reacted to this.guess they are pretty much stucked between u and ur aunt.

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    1. Hello!
      As expected, my mom wanted me to apologise to my aunt. But I told her that I will not apologise for standing up for myself.

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  6. I feel you, Tia.. The elders ALWAYS think what they said is harmless and they'll never think of how each word would affect a child...

    Sadly, this is what old Asians are taught... They were never encouraged to praise their children... They are always trying to find ways to condemn a child while they are young (like call them Si Gemuk, lil monster, etc) as a sign of affection... Ridiculous

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    1. I totally agree with you! How many times have we heard parents/the elders associate negative words with a child? Sometimes they even say things like "You're useless". Why they think that's okay is beyond me.

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  7. One of the reason y i dun invite aunts & uncles to my house. But they come anyway & start critisizing from the way i raise my kids to 'the fan shld be there or u have too many fan in ur hse'. Sighhh

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  8. I feel sad reading this. My mom force me to apologise to someone too (cant mention the name) but he/she was someone older. I refused because that person has insulted my late father but in d end i have to do it because of my mom... Diorang ingat diorang dah lama hidup, tak payah hormat orang2 muda. Takbur btol.

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    1. I am so sorry to hear you had to go through that :( You know what, my mom and aunties said you guys yang agree with me on this matter are like batu api. Unbelievable! Instead of stopping to think that maybe they're wrong, they conclude that people saja dengki nak make situation worse for me.

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  9. Hi Tia, i think you did a great move by keeping quiet. because no matter how ridiculous they sound, some people tend to gets angry over things they really should be sorry about. ridiculous world we're in, LOL :)

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  10. Dear Tia,
    I fell u baby...I am in the same situation. with my mother in law and husband's family around.wtf!

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    1. Hi there! In-laws are trickier. Just make sure that your husband is on your side and have him to talk to them. Hope things will get better for you!

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  11. I completely understand how u must have felt. I have a teribble bunch of relatives myself... And bcoz they couldn't admit to their wrongdoings (one of my uncle was trying to scam my mom - a widow, I might add). And because I was vocal to pointed out his intention, the whole family boycotted my wedding and disowned me. Call yourself lucky :)

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