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Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Knowing Your Worth

*Edited on 11/7/2013*

A few weeks ago I came across an article about a young and an extremely beautiful Bollywood actress who hanged herself over an unhappy relationship. She left a suicide note. This is an excerpt of it:

“I don’t know how to say this to you but I might as well now as I have nothing to lose. I’ve already lost everything. If you’re reading this I might have already left or about to leave. I am broken inside. You may not have known this but you affected me deeply to a point where I lost myself in loving you. Yet you tortured me everyday. These days I see no light I wake up not wanting to wake up. There was a time I saw my life with you, a future with you. But you shattered my dreams. I feel dead inside. I’ve never given so much of myself to someone or cared so much. You returned my love with cheating and lies. It didn’t matter how many gifts I gave you or how beautiful I looked for you. I was scared of getting pregnant but I gave myself completely. T he pain you have caused me everyday has destroyed every bit of me, destroyed my soul. I can’t eat or sleep or think or function. I am running away from everything. The career is not even worth it anymore. When I first met you I was driven, ambitious and disciplined. Then I fell for you, a love I thought would bring out the best in me. I don’t know why destiny brought us together. After all the pain, the rape, the abuse, the torture I have seen previously I didn’t deserve this. I didn’t see any love or commitment from you. I just became increasingly scared that you would hurt me mentally or physically.
Your life was about partying and women. Mine was you and my work. If I stay here I will crave you and miss you. So I am kissing my 10-year career and dreams goodbye. I never told you but I received a message about you. About you cheating on me. I chose to ignore it, decided to trust you. You embarrassed me. I never went out, I never went with anyone else. I am a loyal person. I never met anyone with Karthik I just wanted you to feel how you make me feel constantly. No other woman will give you as much as I did or love you as much as I did.
I can write that in my blood. Things were looking up for me here, but is it worth it when you constantly feel the pain of heartbreak when the person you love wants to abuse you or threatens o hit you or cheats on you telling other girls they are beautiful or throws you out of their house when you have no where to go and you’ve come to them out of love or when they lie to your face or they make you chase after them in their car. Or disrespects their family. You never even met my sister. I bought your sister presents. You tore my soul. I have no reason to breathe anymore. All I wanted was love. I did everything for you. I was working for us. But you were never my partner. My future is destroyed my happiness snatched away from me. I always wished the best for you, was ready to invest what little money I had in your betterment. You never appreciated my love, Kicked me in the face. I have no confidence or self esteem left, whatever talent whatever ambition you took it all away. You destroyed my life.
It hurt me so much that I waited for you for ten days and you didn’t bother buying me something. The Goa trip was my birthday present but even after you cheated I still spent on you. I aborted our baby when it hurt me deeply. You destroyed my Christmas and my birthday dinner when I came back. When I tried my hardest to make your birthday special. You chose to be away from me on Valentines Day. You promised me once we made it to one year we would get engaged. All you want in life is partying, your women and your selfish motives. All I wanted was you and my happiness you took both away from me. I spent money on you selflessly you would throw in my face. When I would cry for you. I have nothing left in this world to live for after this. I wish you had loved me like I loved you. I dreamt of our future. I dreamt f our success. I leave this place with nothing but broken dreams and empty promises. All I want now is to go to sleep and never wake up again. I am nothing. I had everything. I felt so alone even while with you. You made me feel alone and vulnerable. I am so much more than this!”

My heart goes out for the girl. I'm sure she was in a lot of pain but ladies, PLEASE, no guy is worth taking your life for. 

There's a saying that goes like this:

We have all heard of it but do we really understand it? 

Loving yourself does not mean that you have to stare at the mirror admiring your reflection or become a narcissist. To me it means that you need to accept yourself completely, flaws and all, and know your worth despite your shortcomings. 

For example, I know I am far from perfect. I have annoying habits, I am stubborn, I don't like some of my body parts (my teeth are crooked at the bottom why am I telling you this omg please don't stare at my teeth if you talk to me haha, I have fat fingers, my eyelashes are non-existent) BUT I have made peace with them. I have come to terms with my flaws. I have accepted the fact that I will never be the prettiest or the smartest or the richest, and that's okay. I have learned to truly love myself.

And despite my flaws, I know that I am a good person and that I DESERVE good things. I know my worth.

This is how everyone should feel about themselves. 

When we love ourselves, we have self-confidence. We don't need to get approval or acceptance from others, be it our partner, our friends or people in general for that matter. 

Don't get me wrong, of course it's nice to have people complimenting you. It feels good, no doubt. But if you have low self-esteem, then your insecurities would make you constantly seek for ways to get approval or acceptance or compliments from people around you. If you don't get them, then you would stress out and start to second guess yourself and feel worthless. 

Which could lead to you feeling like you don't even deserve good things/happiness because you are flawed. 

I think this is the reason why so many people are stuck in an unhappy/abusive relationships.

They endure it for years despite suffering emotionally/mentally/physically, or worse, they take their own lives when they can't take it anymore. Like this actress.

It is such a shame. She was only 25. She had her whole life ahead of her. She was beautiful and smart, she had her career going. But she let a guy destroy everything. Yes the guy sounds like a complete douchebag but no one was forcing her to put up with him. If your guy cheats on you, lies to you, disrespects you, takes you for granted, or do anything that all that makes you unhappy, and you try to fix it but to no avail, leave him. If he hits you, for god's sake, get the hell away from him!

I personally feel that the actress' boyfriend should not be held responsible. He is just living his life. So he loves partying and he flirts around with women and doesn't want to commit to a relationship. So what? That's not against the law (if he physically hurt her, then yes, he should be held accountable for that). No one asked her to stay with a guy like that. 

Why waste your love, your time, your energy, your money on someone who doesn't appreciate you when there are others out there who would treat you like a queen and give you what you deserve?

"I was scared of getting pregnant but I gave myself completely."

Never give yourself completely to a guy just to please him. If he truly loves you, he would respect you and never pressure you into doing something that you don't want to do. 

I know its easier said than done especially when you are so in love and you badly wants the ther person to love you back. But that is why it is very important for you to love yourself first before you love someone else, because then you'd know that at the end of the day, YOU need to be happy.

For example, I love Nadri with all my heart but from time to time I would remind him that just because we're married and that we have a child together, does not mean that he can cross the line and think that I will forgive him and take him back. If he ever cheats on me (nauzubillah), I will be out the door in a heartbeat (no actually he would be the one leaving. I will just throw out his clothes and PS3 in front of the gate). It would hurt a lot if that happens, but insyAllah, I will be okay. 

And whenever he does or says things that hurt my feelings, instead of keeping it all inside and feel like crap, I tell him straight. Because I know I deserve to get what I want, I deserve to be happy and I deserve someone who is good to me. 

Now imagine if I don't feel secure with myself. Instead of voicing out my issues with him, I would probably think:

"Okay why am I complaining? I should just be grateful that he at least wants to be with someone with so many flaws like me right? And besides, if anything were going to happen to us, imagine what people are going to say! I am sure they will think something is wrong with me and that's why our relationship/marriage didn't work out."

NO. You cannot have this kind of mentality.

This principle doesn't just apply to relationships, it also applies to friendships. 

Some 'friends' would talk nasty things about you behind your back, some would step on your head when you're too nice, some backstab you, some like to make condescending remarks, some wants to use you etc. Instead of subjecting yourself to all that, why not just stay away and focus on people who actually care about you?

I had to end a friendship recently because that person took me for granted and she lied to me on multiple occasions. I was sad and it wasn't easy but it had to be done. Why stay in a friendship that gives me negative energy?

So to all my ladies (I say ladies because I feel like it's always the women who are trapped in this kind of situation), please please please don't waste yourself on people who don't make you happy or treat you right. You are worth much more than that.

This sums it all

P.S: I previously received a few emails from my readers telling me that they are not so good with english and sometimes they have difficulty understanding my posts. Since I feel so strongly about this topic I might add in the malay translation, if time permits. 

P.P.S: I know I haven't replied most of your emails but I am so sorry, I am tied up with something at the moment. I will slowly but surely reply to everyone.


  1. Tia, nak repost the self love thingy on insta ya.

    1. Sure, lets spread the positivity :)

  2. And those suicide letter must be definitely copied straight from Yahoo lol. You're right thou. We should know our worth and value ourselves more. I truly adore you, Awesome Tia!

    1. Haha yes I got it from Yahoo. Thank you hun :)

  3. Babe i love your insight!

  4. siapa ya actress tu?

  5. Jiah Khan. Such a beautiful woman :') btw what are you up to Kak Tia? Can't wait! Teehee

    1. Yes she's so stunning! Hehe I will announce it soon =D

  6. Hi kak Tia,this posting really inspire me to evaluate myself a little bit more and start to love myself more than ever.I really don't think it is a good idea for you to translate each of you fun quirky posting in two different languages.I feel that if someone really want to improve their vocabulary and their english usage,the best way is to get a dictionary and make that their new bff or something,haha..all i can say is if one of you reader can't really understand you posting just because it is in ENGLISH,then they should make an effort and find a way to understand them.It is not your duty to make every single of you fabulous readers to know and understand what you are going to write and say.Don't waste you little precious time translating your writings in Bm and English while you could be doing much important stuff like checking a chanel boutique or spending time with your little angel. :)


    1. Hello Anis! I'm glad that you found this post helpful :)

      Yes I agree with what you said. It is really not convenient for me to translate all of my posts in Malay. It never crossed my mind to do that. But for this one particular entry, I considered to because I want the message to reach as many women as possible. Unfortunately, I am very preoccupied at the moment so I can't even if I want to.

      "Doing much more important stuff like checking a chanel boutique.." --> This made me lol!


  7. Thank you Tia. I need this, at this very moment cause yeah im in a very bad relationship now it sucks the happiness out of me. Thank you thank you thank you for this. I'll read this whenever im feeling down. :')


    p/s : And i am still waiting for your hair tutorial postttt! :(

    1. Tasha, I'm so sorry to hear that.. You deserve to be happy, and you CAN be happy, with or without a guy. I hope you'll figure things out *big hug*

      Oh my gosh yes the hair tutorial! Will try to see what I can do ok? :)

  8. well said dear and you make my day. thanks for writing this=)

  9. I'll be waiting ! Cause i love your hair so much! And thanks Tia your posts are all very positive, inspirational and it motivates me to become as classy as you! i hope i wont do anything stupid (like begging for his love) . Pray for my happiness okay i love you! :)

    p/s : ignore them haters they must have been living in a very boring life!

    1. Yes Tasha no begging please!! Instead of focusing your energy on someone who makes you sad, fill up your time doing other things that you love. You'll realise that you're fine without him, in fact, you'd be happier! :)

      Take care hun *hugs!

  10. Replies
    1. By makeup tutorial do you mean a video tutorial? *panic attack coz I suck at these IT stuffs* hahaha