As I'm writing this Alayna is peacefully sleeping in Nadri's arms and I just can't stop staring at her. At 1 month 3 weeks, she looks like a little lady already. She has changed in so many different ways since the day she was born. I still find it hard to believe that she's mine. That I'm a mother.
Took a long time for her to get 'here'. Mom and dad went out for 3 years before deciding that, hey, it wouldn't be too bad if we grew old together, would it? Lol. So we tied the knot in 2007. I was only 20, He was 22.
"They are so young." Some people say.
This makcik (a distant relative) even made a cynical comment: "Tak habis diploma lagi dah nak kawin."
So what if tak habis diploma lagi dah nak kawin? It doesn't mean that I was going to abandon my studies and became a full time housewife. In fact, despite the madness during our engagement period (yes it's true masa bertunang memang banyak bergaduh. We almost called off the wedding hahaha) and the wedding preparation, I still managed to graduate my diploma with CGPA 3.96 (not trying to gloat, unless you are that makcik who made that nasty comment. Grrr). And I also managed to graduate from Melbourne Uni together with my husband.
Being married did not interfere with anything whatsoever. In fact, it is one of the best decisions that I've ever made. While everyone else went on dates and talked on the phone at night everyday, we got to live together and cuddle to sleep hehe. In the years that we've been married, we've laughed, we've cried, we've traveled to the most amazing cities, we've grown with each other, and we did all that knowing that our relationship is blessed by Allah.
Starting a family was the last thing we thought of at first. Being married is one thing, but having a baby is on a whole different level. We knew we were young, we were still studying and we were just plain not ready to be responsible for another human being (Nadri said being resposible for me was draining enough PFFT). We just wanted to enjoy each other's company for the time being, so we took our own sweet time.
The first 2 years were fine, come 3rd year, when we graduated and came back to Malaysia, that's when the Baby Talk started with a bang.
"Bila nak ada baby ni?"
"Tiaaaaa cepat la beranak I tak sabar nak tgk baby u"
"Hishhhh tak baik tolak rezeki Tuhan nanti tak dapat terus baru tahu"
And I'd always say, we're not ready. Which is the simple truth. I think parenthood is the biggest responsibility one can have, and it's only RESPONSIBLE that you undertake such responsibility ONCE YOU ARE READY. Some people were ready straightaway after they got married, some waited a year, some don't even want to have kids. For us, we had no idea when we would be ready. There was a point in time where I felt that I was, but he wasn't. And vice versa. So we still waited. It's not enough that only one party is on board.
I don't remember exactly how or when, but it was sometime early 2011. We had a talk that led to having our own family and I told him I'm ready for sure. He said he thinks he is. I said THINK is not good enough. You need to KNOW that you are. He knew.
Alhamdulillah, on 1st May 2011, I took the urine test and saw the + sign. I showed him, he instantly cried (love u syg!) and hugged me. To be honest I was numb at first. I didn't know how to react. I was having a panic attack A million things were going through my head:
"Me, a mom?!!!"
"But babies don't really like me!!!"
"How the hell am I going to give birth, I even cry when I see the dentist!"
"Hang on, I take my words back, I think I'm NOT READY!!!"
"Oh God I'm going to be fat soon"
After the shock had passed, I was left with pure unadulterated happiness.
Yes I'm pregnant.
I'm going to be a mom.
My baby will LOVE me (I will make her).
Still dont know how I'm going to give birth but just let me be in denial about this one for now.
I'm definitely ready.
There's always liposuction & tummy tuck right?
We straightaway went to a clinic near my house and took a test again, just to be sure. The doctor confirmed that I was about 4 weeks along (I think, can't really recall). Kept asking the doctor if he was sure, I think he got pretty annoyed with me. I wanted to do an ultrasound but he said I basically can't see much now. I was slightly disappointed because in my head I was imagining a tiny little baby with tiny fingers and tiny nose inside my tummy. Yes sure we studied about this at school in biology, I should've known she was just a tiny speck at the time, but i was super excited nothing made sense! Lol.
I wanted to go home and tell everyone, but I thought it would only be fair if my in-laws got to know about it at the same time, and in person. So we decided to have dinner with both families to give them the good news. Turned out that the only time everyone was free was a few days after that. I wanted to burst already!! It was so hard to keep a news of this magnitude to myself. One time my mom was talking to me about how she thinks it's time that we have a baby and I just wanted to say "Ok Mom enough already I AM pregnant" LOL.
Anyway, we finally told them over dinner and I swear my mom teared up. Everyone was so excited! Kakak, my drama-queen sister literally yelled "OHMYGODDDDD!!!" Eyes and mouth like saucers, hands dramatically placed on her chest, Adam my baby brother had no idea what was going on because he was too busy eating his lamb chop. Then finally, after the night was over, it was time to break the news to our friends. It was such a blessing to see everyone so excited for us. Someone said "Duh, you guys have been married for 4 years, it's about time!"
Yup, 4 amazing years together (7years in total) and now I hope that we will have more amazing years to come as parents to our little miracle, Alayna Hakim. InsyaAllah.
Now I feel like writing about the delivery process hehe