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Thursday, January 30, 2014

My Response to "23 Things To Do Instead of Getting Engaged When You're Under 23"




A few days ago a friend of mine shared an article on Facebook, titled:

"23 Things To Do Instead Of Getting Engaged When You're Under 23"

Obviously it grabbed my attention because, duh, I got married at 20. I was curious about what the article had to say, so I clicked on it.

You can read about it here.

I get what the author is trying to convey. And I agree when she said that you should not rush into marriage (especially if you're still young), you should go out there and discover yourself, find out what you want to do with your life etc.

I totally agree.

Sometimes people do rush into marriage or get married for the wrong reasons, the common one being peer-pressure (and also pressure from relatives) hence they settle with the guy that they happen to be with at the moment, perhaps fearing that they might not find someone better, which could lead to divorce if it turns out that that they are actually not ready for marriage. 

But what I don't agree with, is her highly judgmental and completely inaccurate generalisation about people who DO get married early:


"It is a way for young people to hide behind a significant other instead of dealing with life’s highs and lows on their own. It’s a safety blanket. It’s an admission that the world is just too big and scary to deal with it on your own; thus, you now have someone that is legally obligated to support you till one of you dies or files for divorce."


Are you freaking kidding me? HIDING behind a significant other? An ADMISSION that the world is too big and scary to deal with on your OWN? Wanting to have someone who is legally obligated to SUPPORT you?

What is all this bullshit? The claims that she made are so wrong on so many different levels. 

For someone who says that she has travelled the world and has more experience that her married peers, she sure sounds like someone who has been living under the rock.

People do NOT get married for those reasons, doesn't matter if they're 22 or 34 or 40. 


"I have begun to notice a common thread amongst all these young unions: inexperience.  Inexperience with dating, traveling, risks, higher education, career direction, SEX, solitude, religious exploration, etc… and it’s insane that I have already experienced more of the world in the last 22 years than my married peers will ever experience in their life."


Okay let's break it down here. She claims that young married couples have inexperience with:

Dating
True. If you get married early you would miss out on dating multiple men/women. But here's the thing, some people do NOT want to be a serial dater.  

Traveling
Hmm let's see. I got married at 20, and by the time I was 23 I had traveled to Singapore, Indonesia, London, Rome, Los Angeles, Las Vegas, San Diego, Paris, New York, Madinah, Makkah, Sydney, Canberra and I have also lived in Melbourne for 2 years. Wow you're so right. Settling down DOES mean that you won't get as much experience with traveling. 

Risks
Not a valid point. If you read my post here, you'll see that I have taken a lot of risks in my life and I think one of the reasons I got the courage is because my husband is very supportive of me.

Higher Education
After I tied the knot I graduated my diploma at UiTM with 3.96 CGPA and I pursued my bachelor's degree at The University of Melbourne, top 100 universities in the world, majoring in accounting and finance. What was that you were saying? Inexperience in higher education? I don't think so.

Career Direction
Again, I don't see how this point is valid. I was with one of the Big 4 accounting firms and now I am with the number 1 unit trust company. Rest assured, my career direction is very clear, and very rewarding.

Sex
I am a Muslim and I don't condone pre-marital sex so this point doesn't apply to me.

Solitude
Oh I get plenty of alone time. Luckily Nadri & I agree that we need space to do our own thing. Being married does not mean that you are glued to each other 24/7.

Religious Exploration
Please, who says you can't do this after you're married?


She didn't direct the article to me of course, but I feel like I needed to say something because she's sending out the wrong message, which is that people who get married at a YOUNG age are missing out on all those things that are listed above and I am a living proof that her claim is not true. Seriously, the only 2 valid points she has are inexperience with dating and sex. That's ALL *yawns*

Plus her article might actually scare some people about getting married early and that would be such a shame because marriage is one of the most beautiful things in life, and if despite your young age you're mature enough to commit to it, why not?

Nevertheless, I applaud her for trying to reach out to people who are in the same situation as her and inspire them to be okay with themselves. This is a good thing. But please, there is no need to put down others in the process.


"Because at the age of 22, I have no idea who I am, what I’m doing, and who I’ll be doing it with for the next year… let alone for the rest of my life.  And that’s awesome."
"But then I look at my life, my relationships, and my future… and I realize that, I’m fucking awesome.  It literally isn’t me, it’s them."
"Sure.  Some days I wake up and stare at my ceiling thinking: “I’m single as fuck.”  But then I realize that those friends are going to get knocked up and fat soon sssoooo in retrospect, who really is winning here? I’m in China. I’m having the best time of my life. I am responsible for my own happiness."
And again, this one:

"It is a way for young people to hide behind a significant other instead of dealing with life’s highs and lows on their own. It’s a safety blanket. It’s an admission that the world is just too big and scary to deal with it on your own; thus, you now have someone that is legally obligated to support you till one of you dies or files for divorce."

See how she's trying to say that she is so awesome and at the same time make degrading and condescending remarks about others who don't live their lives they way she does?

You're in China? Good for you. You're having the best time of your life? Fantastic. So why can't you be happy for your friends who are married? They're having the best time of their lives too.

You're winning? Since when is it a bloody competition?

Sigh, I wish people can just be nice and civil to each other.

I have personally encountered people like this in my life. For example sometimes when I am out with my friends and they order cocktails and I am the only one with a glass of coke, some would say things like,

"Come on Tia, ape la minum Coke. Tak cool la."

Or when they talk about their ' bedroom conquests' and make fun of me having been with only ONE guy.

(By the way, it's so ironic that my non-muslim friends are the ones who respect my principles and never mock me about them)

How would they feel if I say, "Oh you can go around sleeping with multiple men. I am not cheap like that."

Or if I say things like, "Omg being married/being a mom is the best thing EVER. So glad I'm not single and alone like some of my friends. They're totally missing out."

But I don't. Deep down in my heart I know why I do/don't do certain things and I am perfectly happy with who I am. And I get that people are wired differently therefore they want different things in life. So there really is no need to be rude and condescending to others who don't share the same views with me, like what the author is doing.

The way I see it, if you are TRULY happy and confident with the choices that you make in your life, you don't need to justify yourself to others and you definitely do not need to put them down to make yourself feel better or cooler.

If you do, it just shows how insecure YOU are.

Once again, I totally agree with the author's core message. Instead of feeling pressured about getting married (no matter at what age), you should calm down, count your OWN blessings and just go out there and make memories and experience new things. You know, just live and enjoy life. One day you'll be married too (or maybe you don't ever want to be, and that's totally fine if it makes you happy) and when you do, it will be the right time for you and it will be awesome.






Cewah. Haha.




Friday, January 17, 2014

Back in My Favourite City






Woohoooo I'm in NYC right now! It's my second time is this amazing city. The first time was 4 years ago.

To say that I love this city, would be an understatement. It's the only place in the world that can give me goosebumps all over. It's like I can never believe that I am actually here. I mean, I grew up watching it on TV ever since I was in my early teens (thanks to Sex and The City and Gossip Girl), and I have also read about it a hundred times in my favourite novel (Bergdorf Blondes by Plum Sykes - beyond hilarious I laughed until I cried so many times, it's even better than the Shopaholic series). 

So to actually be in the city that I have fantasised about coming for as long as I can remember, is just incredible.



View from our apartment in Manhattan



Will blog more when I am back in KL.

XXX.

Saturday, January 11, 2014

Whaddup Miami!


Good morning from Miami!

We arrived yesterday (9th Jan) after a friggin THIRTY SIX hours long journey. 




First we took a 7 hour flight to Dubai, transit time was 4 hours before a 15 hour flight to Nyc. Another 4 hours transit and then a 4 hour flight to Miami. 

Alayna was suchhhh a good girl throughout the whole journey. She was only slightly cranky because her sleeping time was a bit messed up. But apart from that, on the plane she mostly just slept, ate, watched cartoon and skipped around at the airport.










I was quite worried about coming here because of the whole Polar Vortex situation going on last weekend. Flights to and from Nyc were cancelled, airports were closed etc. It's bad enough that I am scared of flying as it is, but to fly during bad weather?? I almost begged Nadri to cancel the trip.


View from above. Just looking at this is giving me an anxiety attack.


But luckily I didn't, because by the time we arrived at JFK, the weather has improved a lot. From -18 to -4, thank god.

The long journey is so worth it though. I mean, just look at this amazeballs view from the back of our house in Miami Beach!




Will update more when I have the time.

XXX


Tuesday, January 7, 2014

The Indecisive Couple



This happened a while back, after Alayna had gone to bed, sometime around 8.30pm.



Him: So.. What are we having for dinner?


Me: Hmm... I'm craving for the lobster pasta at La Risata.


Him: Okay let's go.



(In the car)



Me: Wait, I changed my mind. Wanna go to KGB Bangsar?


Him: Don't feel like having burgers tonights. How about Chutney Mary?


Me: Butter chicken and naan.. Mmmmmm... *salivates* But NO! I had some cakes earlier today I can't afford to eat Indian food tonight. Too much calories.


Him: *rolls eyes*


Him: Oh I know! Let's go to Rasta. You have GOT to try this waffle which is so good I promise! I'll buy you TWO waffles.


Me: Ala, but Rasta is always so crowded.


Him: It won't be tonight because there's no football match.


Me: Liar. Rasta is always full.


Him: Trust me.


Me: Fine. If it's full then we'll go Penang Village.


Him: Okay deal.



(a few minutes later as we were driving somewhere near OU)



Me: Hey look we're so near to OU! Gyu-kaku pun macam best je. Jom?


Him: I cubit you kang. 


Me: Ok la fineeee.



(a few minutes after that)



Me: Mohd Chan?


Him: *pretended not to hear me*



Then we arrived at Rasta, which was so FULL that the only parking space available was somewhere along the roadside.



Me: Ha! I told you it would be full!


Him: We can just park here and walk.


Me: After this car got broken into here last time? No way. Let's go to Penang Village.



(A few minutes later, on the way to Penang Village)



Him: How about Publika?


Me: It's so far la. Look at the time now. 


Him: It's actually very near. (if he lied to me I wouldn't know because I have zero sense of direction)


Me: Hmm.. Okay! We can go to The Social! (Their Chicken Diane is tdf!)



We finally arrived at Publika.



Me: You know what, there's this restaurant that I have always wanted to try here. It's called Picknik. I heard the food is good. (Actually I heard the chef is good-looking but Nadri didn't have to know that hehe) (Ok sayang I know you're reading this, don't worry you paling handsome XXX)


Him: Okay let's go there.




And that, ladies and gentlemen, was how both of us randomly ended up having dinner at Picknik at almost 10pm that night. 



Nasi Lemak


Fat Tuesday Chicken




The food was good, unfortunately Chef Nik was nowhere in sight pffft.







Saturday, January 4, 2014

He Listens

Allah is Great. 

He knows I am having a hard time coping with my grandmother's passing. He knows I need time to mourn. 

Everyday I pray for Him to give me strength and ease the way for me. And today He did. Out of the blue my client asked me to come and collect  cheque. 






Alhamdulillah for this rezeki. Now I can take some time off to recollect myself and get back on my feet. 

Have faith, for Allah knows best.




Friday, January 3, 2014

A Big Decision


As much as I love staying with my parents (free maid, free food hehe), I think it's time that we finally move into our own place. It's time to face the reality. I am 26 years old (27 in 5 days sigh), I have been married for almost 7 years and I have a CHILD. My mom is practically kicking me out of the house hahaha.

Fine, I'm gonna be honest.

Actually the main reason I want to move out is because I just cannot take being confined in one room anymore. It's bad enough that I have to share my wardrobe with Nadri (ok not really sharing, he only gets a tiny drawer and I get everything else) and have his ps3 and lazy chair taking up space,  now I have to make room for Alayna's stuffs as well. 

Our rooms perpetually looks like a shipwreck, and it's driving me crazy.

My mom keeps nagging me about how I am so disorganised and all, but you see, there's just NO ROOM for me to organise our stuffs, to a point where Alayna's baby cot has to be used as a place to store some of my bags.






Her conclusion is that I shop too much and the solution is for me to get rid of my stuffs.

No freaking way.

The real solution is, to get a place of our own.

After weeks of house-hunting around September/October last year, we finally agreed on a property that we both love. It's landed (I can never live in an apartment/condo, I have watched/heard too many ghost stories involving elevators), it has quite a sizeable land area (for family bbqs and who knows maybe a swimming pool in the future), it's less than 5 minutes away from my mom's place (free maid, free food hahahahahah) but most importantly, I can take one room and turn it into my walk-in-wardrobe! =D
















Obviously this is a source of headache for me as I can't decide which design to go with. #itshardbeingagirl

InsyaAllah we will get the key to our house this month, and factoring in the renovations and all, we will probably move out some time in February or March. 






Can't wait!!!

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Goodbye


My grandmother passed away yesterday.

And for the first time in my life, I experience what it feels like to lose someone who is truly close to my heart. 

When I was born my grandmother was the one who chose my name, Nurfaatihah. She helped to take care of me since day 1 and when my family moved to Shah Alam from Kuantan she eventually stayed with us so she could help my mom raise me and my sisters. 

When I was about 12 years old my grandmother moved in with my moksu to help look after her kids. But I still saw her almost every single day because my moksu's house was just a walking distance from my mom's house. 6 years ago, my mom and moksu moved next door to each other. So basically my whole life my grandmother has always been close to me.

If you read my post here, you'd know that my grandmother has been sick and lately her condition started to deteriorate. It was such an emotional roller coaster because some days she seems okay while other days she is too weak to even take a sip of water. All of us knew that her time is almost up. I guess in a way we already saw it coming.

But that doesn't make it any easier. When she passed away at home around noon yesterday, my mom, my sisters and I were there with her. It was definitely the saddest moment in my life, to watch my grandmother go. To see her body being carried out of the house, to see her in her kain kafan, to kiss her for the last time, and finally to send her off to her resting place. Even as I am writing this I still can't comprehend the fact that she is truly gone. My mind keeps replaying all the memories that I have of her. 

I still remember coming home from school and calling my grandma to request for her cooking. My favourite (among many) is her sambal kentang and ikan bills. She would happily oblige because she just loves to cook for her grandchildren. 

If I complain of a stomachache or a headache she would instantly ask me to lie down so that she could rub oil on my tummy or massage my head. I would then return the favour by scratching her back when she can't reach the itchy spot either using my nails or using this:






Once in a while I would sleep in her room on her bed and I would fall asleep listening to her stories. How she had to walk through the plantation to go to school and be chased by wild boars (babi hutan), how she had to wake up very early everyday to make kuih for my mom to sell at school and how my mom was scolded by the canteen lady because my grandma's kuih were a hit so people stopped buying food from the canteen, and all sorts of other stories.

Sometimes she would even fall asleep in the middle a story haha.

And when my mom scolded me she would scold my mom back. Grandmothers are awesome like that kan? :)

But most of all, I remember going into her room recently, she looked at me and gave me a weak smile. I asked her if she wanted to have some soup. She said, "Nenek dah makan tapi nenek nak rasa makan daripada tangan you." And that was the last time I fed my grandmother.





Just last week your children, grandchildren and great grandchildren gathered to celebrate your birthday.




Now, you have left us to return to Allah. 

I love you so much nenek. My prayers are always be with you. I will miss you every single day for the rest of my life. Please forgive me for all of my wrongdoings to you. And I hope that we have made you happy on your last days.

Til we meet again, insyaAllah.

Al-fatihah.





In loving memory of my grandmother, Rokiah Binti Abdullah (in the middle on the wheelchair).